Was (27/M) dating a girl (25/F) for about 2 months. She was new to the city and we were pretty much smitten from the first date. Very lovey-dovey, lots of physical chemistry, she texted me a lot and even told her friends about me. After a long period of dating struggles, I was on cloud nine.
But the last time she stayed over, I noticed her checking her phone and getting texts from a guy, offering to bring her some stuff. I remembered the dude’s name from a previous conversation about a date she’d been on before me that didn’t work out, so this set off alarm bells.
I didn’t bring it up in person because I felt awkward, but I text her afterwards and asked if there was another guy. She admitted that she still talked to some guys she’d been on dates with in her old city and the current one, but that they were just friends and she had no interest in them. They text each other regularly.
We back-and-forthed a bit, but eventually I just said that her staying friends with guys she had met on dating apps made me uncomfortable since we were in a relationship. She said what I said was reasonable but that one of these guys had helped her out a lot since coming to the new city, and she wasn’t happy having to cut contact with him. She also felt that we’d known each along enough for me to trust that she was taking our relationship seriously.
I told to her think about it and let me know. The next day, she text me saying that she didn’t see this working out. I said that’s fine and wished her good luck.
Since then, I’ve had mixed feelings. I really don’t think talking with these guys was appropriate… But we got along really well and she had never once been secretive with her phone and I never caught her in a lie. She was very open about her friendships with these men, and now I wonder if I’d acted hastily, and whether I should have waited and maybe even met some of these dudes to get a feel for their intentions…
Would like some people’s opinions on this situation, whether you were in similar circumstances before or not. Thanks.
tldr – Was dating a girl for 2 months but discovered she was still texting and even hanging out with some past dating-app matches. She swore it was strictly platonic and felt I didn’t trust her, but I stuck to my boundary and we eventually ended things. Starting to wonder if I’d been too hasty about it
5 comments
Alarm bells.
She’s not interested in them but still likes having the feeling of options and the validation they provide. It’s super narcissistic behaviour and not only is it disrespectful to you it shows a complete lack of empathy and care for the people she’s leading on.
I would honestly strong reconsider the moral integrity of your girlfriend in this regard.
I get why you felt uncomfortable about your SO being friends with people she met on dating apps, especially since one of those guys offered to bring her things. Trust is crucial. However, you also mentioned that she was open about her friendships and never lied to you. It may have been worth discussing your concerns further instead of ending things abruptly. Maybe you two could have set some boundaries together. Relationships are all about communication and finding compromises that work for both parties. But hey, we all make decisions based on what feels right at the time, so it’s okay to question and reflect on your choices. Don’t beat yourself up over it.
Maybe discussing your discomfort more openly and finding middle ground could have been an option. Meeting these guys might have provided more context.
There’s nothing wrong with being friends with people you met on dating apps. I’ve got a couple of buddies from Flure, and we occasionally chill in Overwatch. Went with them to a couple of parties with drinks a few times.
Gold digger
She proved to you that these “friends” were more important than you and your relationship. That’s all you need to know.