It doesn’t matter what I do, my husband is constantly implying everything I do is wrong. I could do something most would find kind or creative, and he will meet it with a condescending remark. It’s even in regards to the most trivial things, that don’t require a put down.
When I told him how his constant condescending ridicule makes me feel less than adequate- he says I’m too sensitive. It’s constant, and surrounds every little detail in our life. It just feels like constant negative energy. It does not matter what I do, he will respond negatively. It feel as if nothing is ever enough for him. I feel very under appreciated.
Examples: Grocery Shopping, Going to the Gym, Parenting, Music
I’m not exaggerating the condescending remarks are all day – our oldest son is now learning to respond to us and everything I say with a quick condescending response. It comes off very disrespectful hearing it come from a child.
I feel awful that I’m in this situation. I don’t know what to do. Obviously I would like to keep our family together, but I don’t know if it’s healthy to subject the family to that our whole lives.
I should mention, when we do something fun, my husband will stop with the negativity. It just seems to be his default.
4 comments
You aren’t to blame for the way your husband behaves/speaks, but you are allowing it to continue.
The most concerning part of your post is how your son is beginning to treat you with disrespect. I recommend counseling for you and counseling for your son. It is unfair to allow your husband’s bullshit to negatively impact your son the way it is.
I’d also suggest speaking to a lawyer to see what your options are, realistically, should you end the marriage. You can’t make your husband change and it doesn’t seem as though he thinks there’s even an issue. The best thing that you can do for your children is take care of their mother. It’s like oxygen masks on an airplane- you can’t properly help your kids if you are in a bad position yourself. You don’t deserve to be spoken to negatively. You don’t deserve to feel on edge in your own home. You don’t deserve to be spoken to in a condescending manner, especially from your life partner.
You know for a fact that your son sees this behavior because he’s mimicking it. Kids see more than we think they do. I can say from experience that kids would rather be FROM a broken home than IN one. That’s a quote that’s stuck with me for a very long time.
I wish you luck❤️
Is your husband the sort of guy that likes to go move goalposts? I hate it when people do that because it doesn’t matter what you do anything and everything you do is wrong, there’s no pleasing anybody.
Does he want a mum or a wife? Because he sounds like he wants to be Molly coddled every five minutes, and certainly doesn’t respect you by the sounds of things.
What you decide to do in the end is your decision, after all, it’s your marriage, not anybody else’s
Is he willing to do marriage counseling?
Next time he says you’re too sensitive, you should inform him that another man will be happy to respect your sensitivity and your feelings if he is not up for the job.
Marriage without respect is not marriage at all. There’s nothing else to really do here but therapy or divorce if he’s not willing to respect your needs or your feelings.
When he says you are too sensitive tell him you are so stop it. We are going to be together we are married. You know I am sensitive so stop with the condescending remarks.
Also why is he like that? I find most people are condescending or always joking because they are scared to be vulnerable or scared of intimacy. Has he always been like that even when you guys were dating?
If so maybe you also will have to accept or just ignore his remarks especially if you understand where it is coming from.