Matched with someone on a dating app a few weeks ago. I’m 26F and he’s 26M. Thought things were going great – we texted a ton and even facetimed twice (currently in separate geographical regions).
About a week ago, I booked a ticket to go out and see him and he seemed excited about hanging out (I checked before booking the ticket to make sure it was ok too)! We had normal back and forth conversation until YESTERDAY. I suddenly received a message saying (VERY out of the blue) that he has a family emergency and isn’t in a place where he can date right now. I was shocked … i really like this guy!?? I thought we really clicked.
I responded and first checked on whether he was ok! HOWEVER –
Was he being honest about his situation? I asked if he’d be open to dating down the road and he said he’ll “be sure to reach out” but isn’t currently in a state of mind where he can consider that! What does this mean? Is it likely that he will reach out or should I forget about him? I have a ton of dating experience and have been emotionally abused in previous relationships so it’s rare I click with someone and I’m very careful about dating at all. This is the very first guy I’ve felt good about in a long time. Please help!
​
Tl;dr: matched with a guy, things were going great until he said he had a family emergency. Is this legitimate ?He said he’d reach out but will he?
5 comments
Ultimately it doesnt matter if hes being real with you. The outcome is the same: youre not going to be dating and he doesnt want you to contact him. Maybe his mom truly died or something and its one of those unfortunate circumstances. Maybe he will reach out. It’s awfully sus though that this happened RIGHT as you were going to fly there. And hes being really vague just calling it a family emergency. I wouldn’t bank on him reaching back out tbh. Sounds like he just got cold feet when it seemed like it was actually turning into something real.
I personally am very wary of starting anything with someone where i have to FLY to go see them. That doesn’t scream “available”, to me.
> Was he being honest about his situation?
This question is impossible for anyone but him to answer; even if he really is going through something, there is no objective answer to whether it’s enough per se to keep him from dating anyone; if you think about it, most people do manage to pursue the people they are interested in while going through life hurdles, even if that means they have to take things slower or dedicate less time and energy to their interest. So if I were you, I would assume that he’s really going through something, but he doesn’t feel a strong enough connection to you to attempt to communicate about it and keep you in his life while he works through it. Essentially, there’s one objective result here: he has pulled away and does not intend to date you in the present. Move on and don’t live your life based on hopes and assumptions about the future.
Doesn’t matter one way or the other if his family emergency is real. What matters is that this isn’t a relationship for you.
And maybe in the future, consider refining your dating app criteria to not include people who live far enough that you would need to book tickets to travel for your first date. That way you can meet in person with far less of built up expectations.
Highly doubt it’s true. The timing, plus the vague “family emergency”, plus the “not in a place to date”, is too much coincidence. He got cold feet.
> he’ll “be sure to reach out”
He will not reach out
His mom could have died. Or his girlfriend may have saw the messages. Or he matched with someone else and already hit it off with them while he was waiting for you. Now he’s using whatever he can to stop you from coming to see him.