My gf and I have been together since senior year of high school (4 years now). I deeply love her and for the first 3 years our relationship was almost as perfect as one could be. Nothing would make me happier than to marry her.
However, starting about a year ago we went through a time period of about 2 months of not having sex. I should preface this by saying I have what I would assume is a pretty libido and her’s is below mine (average to below average). Additionally, I am always the initiator when it comes to sexual things, and am the only one that does other sexual things foreplay/oral. On top of this our sex was always at the same time (at night) and there was no spontaneity. Like I said, this never bothered me before because typically she would tell me that she wanted to, talked/texted sexually, etc.
It all seemed to change when that time period started. Basically, all of my attempts to engage were denied for about a month and the other month I stopped trying. That is when I started to really think about not liking to be the only initiator and generally felt unwanted sexually. That is not to say we were unaffectionate, she loves to cuddle, hold hands, etc. Eventually I spoke with her about it. I said I felt unwanted and that I understand that her attraction may have faded because we’ve been together for a long time but I need to know that. She said that sex was good and that lack of attraction wasnt the issue. She also told me that it would help if we spent more quality time together (we had been around each other a lot and not really doing anything) and that she was stressed a lot by school. We also agreed that in a perfect world our sex amount was about once a week.
It seemed like she really tried for about 3 weeks or so until we fell into the same routine. We talked again with about the same results except this time I began to get more upset about other things as a result. Part of my issue is that it seems like I’m the only one who really makes an effort to change things. In an attempt to spice things up, I bought her some sex toys which she liked. This helped for a bit until summer started and we went to separate places for internships. I feel like this really helped; every-time I visited her she engaged with me and I felt wanted for the first time in a long time.
Once school started back we hit the same issued about 2-3 months in. I bought her a toy she uses almost nightly now and she bought more for herself to. This is when I began to get suspicious again that maybe it’s just a lack of attraction for me as clearly she feels some sexual desire as she uses her toy nightly. I know that self pleasure and desire for someone else arent the same but I do think its odd that we are having a problem but she is fine pleasing herself daily. I spoke with her again and we both agreed that if its not solved ed this time it just wont be and here I am feeling the same way again.
It really sucks because I love her more than anything but I dont want to be married to someone I dont think is sexually attracted to me. I would appreciate any advice.
TLDR: I dont know if my GF is still sexually attracted to me and after discussing it numerous times I cant shake the feeling.
2 comments
“Once school started back we hit the same issued about 2-3 months in”
Seems like there’s a pattern. I think it might be worth having a conversation around how this pattern tbh/ maybe using the toys to get the mood going.
I am wondering if the school stressor is what’s affecting her libido. I wouldn’t say it’s a “you” thing OP, but I think it’s reasonable that sex is a dealbreaker.
you should leave if you dont feel wanted in any way. You are young enough to find another girl that will fulfill your desires. Yes, four years is a long time but do you really want to live the rest of your life like that? idk man sounds like you don‘t. wish you the best