F(21) M(27)
We’re not ‘dating’ but we’ve been together for about 7 months. He sleeps with me at my house every night. We spend all day together when I don’t work and things are normally good. I am a very insecure person and he is definitely very secure in himself so that may play apart in how much I’m bothered by this. He says he’s not mentally ready for a relationship which is fine but he has deleted messages from his phone on around 5 occasions from different people. His ex, a girl he told me not to worry about(which I was correct in worrying about), and this time with some girl he used to know. —said girl he used to know is the most recent one. He says he deletes things because he doesn’t want to deal with the issues that follow. Meaning me asking questions about it. Which I can get annoying about but it hurts me to know he’s saying whatever and purposefully hiding it from me. He goes through my phone whenever he wants and I don’t care because I don’t have anything to hide.
The messages he deleted with this girl were about how “pretty eyes get him going” after he sent her one of those “send this to someone you have nutted to post” which was a joke. I knew about that part. But he deleted the pretty eyes part and that bothers me.
He is in a tough spot with money and we normally drive my car around and I pay for everything and I really don’t mind. My point in saying this is I don’t know if he will ever pursue a relationship with me if he is still basically trying to flirt with other girls, or if he is just here because I make his life easier and once he is better mentally he will go do whatever he pleases with whoever. It has only been this one girl recently. But a few months ago he engaged in a sexual act with the girl he told me not to worry about. He felt bad about it but gets mad at me for my insecurities. And they have only gotten worse now. I should mention I do love him.
Like I said we are not dating, but there are boundaries that we have both set and understand. I feel like the more stuff I find out the more I distance myself. I want an official relationship with him but I don’t know if anything would change. He gets so frustrated when I talk about what I find on his phone. And the more I find out the more he deletes and it just makes me feel like he could be doing anything and talking to so many girls and I would have no idea. I feel like I will hurt either way.
Should I even bother continuing to pursue a relationship? Should I try to talk to him about it again? Or do I just break it off?
3 comments
If you want a relationship then you’re wasting your time.
>But a few months ago he engaged in a sexual act with the girl he told me not to worry about. He felt bad about it but gets mad at me for my insecurities.
I feel like maybe your insecurities are preventing you from leaving this relationship because this is not something the vast majority of people would tolerate.
You say you love him which is all well and good but don’t let how you feel about him allow you to forget about what you deserve. And you don’t deserve this. You deserve better and you can do better.
Girl stop it. No no. Just rip the band aid off and respect yourself. This is toxic and you are lowering your standards to deal with someone that you think is bringing you security.. but it’s just codependency and for him probably just a convenience thing. He’s 27 and not able to help financially? You pay for everything? Cmon!! Get out of the d hypnosis you’re in