Need some objective advice since I don’t feel like I’m thinking clearing

I had a tumultuous relationship with my ex a couple years ago, it was very toxic and we bonded during covid. She had a lot of red flags but still gave it a shot, to no surprise she ended up cheating on me. I was not a perfect boyfriend either. There was a lot of lies and mistrust, on both our parts. Still tho she always looked for me and tbh the way we ended was like going cold turkey on a adrenaline binge. I still have residual feelings for that girl I once knew.

Fast forward two years later I meet her for drinks and think nothing of it afterwards, I’m over her but for whatever lame reason still look for her on social media. Then yesterday we meet again after she emails me months later. I feel obsessed. I want to text her. I start rationalizing how we could get back together and we’ve both grown apart for the better. I want to see her again. That I feel is my lizard brain taking over. She’s beautiful but not my ideal body type – so to say even tho I don’t usually go for her type, there’s something about her that keeps me enamored.

My logic thinking says, and what I’m hoping the lads here will help me reenforce, is that I’m experience a cocktail of happy chemicals. She will cheat on me again inevitably and is love bombing me like the beginning of our relationship. I literally asked her if she was love bombing me (in a playful fashion) and she answered yes in turn. Which gave me this ominous sobering feeling, like it was serious underneath.

I guess now I’m realizing how insecure I was during our relationship given her past. I was reading all the red pill crap too which made it worse. I’ve lived a lot more now, experienced more women and perspectives, traveled, and came to terms with the fact that I actually admired her and still do. Maybe part of me felt insecure so I had to bring her down. I treated her very poorly at times and deeply regret it. I didn’t respect her. It was hard to, learning that other guys were using her and she was obliging for hopes of something else, or not.

Now I just can’t help but think how many new guys she’s been with, how many have told her no “I’m looking for anything serious,” or just her not getting the outcome she thought she’d get from being single after cheating. The worst part is maybe she had her fill and wants to come crawling back. Which seems like the most obvious scenario. I hate myself for actually toying with the idea of us getting back together. Maybe I’m an eternal simp for her and she knows it? Just need some solid input cause my thinking is skewed with her.