Hello all, thanks for reading. Me and Bf are early 30s, have lived together for about 6 years now.
For my part, in this relationship I do 99% of:
– dishes
– washing + folding clothes
– cleaning the house (wash the floors, clean the bathroom, every day make the bed), taking out trash
– cat duty (daily water replacement, giving him food, cleaning his litter, ordering food for him every month, taking him to the vet)
– pay the bills and keep an eye on the water/gas/power index (in my country, you need to report these monthly online to get an ccurate bill)
– my parents left me a sum of money after finishing college, I gave him around 6.5k $ of it so he can buy a brand new SUV , parents gave him the rest(instead of selling his second hand car that was not running anymore so he can buy another shitty second hand). He uses this car to go on vacation/camping/hobby stuff often and he is really attached to it.
He has cheated on me last year (he said he kissed and touched the privates of a girl whom he went on a vacation with for 2 weeks -they knew eachother for a few months prior since they have the same hobby – they were posting pics of them sitting alone together on instagram), but ill never know if he was telling the truth. When he cheated on me, I was extremely stressed and irritated as i was in my last year of college.
As far as doing things in the relationship, he deals with everything that has to do with the car. I dont know how to drive and not sure I have the courage to ever do it.
To the point, he asked me this evening to go out and buy him some stuff like soda. After I came back from the store, he said he was finishing a mission in a video game (RDR2) and then we can prepare dinner and watch a movie.
Apparently I didnt hear him right, because I sat down on the sofa to wait for him to finish his campain. At aome point he looks at me and starts screaming “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I SAID GO MAKE YOUR FOOD, IM HUNGRY. I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO MAKE YOUR DINNER AND YOURE JUST SITTING THERE?
EVERY SINGLE TIME. I HAVE TO POINT OUT THINGS TO YOU BECAUSE YOURE INCAPABLE OF DOING THEM UNLESS SOMEONE SHOWS YOU LIKE A TODDLER”
At this point I tried explaining to him that I misunderstood what he said but he continued yelling that hes hungry and has to wait for me to make my instant ramen.
To paint a picture, he only had to wait max 2 minutes so I could boil some water in the electric kettle, that’s it. He never complains when I wash his dishes or clothes, of course, and rarely thanks me.
Sorry for the tldr. Im beyond sad, exhausted and …lifeless. I feel like all the things I do around the house are taken for granted, but when I make a small mistake or inconvenience him, hes quick to jump and point it out. I dont know what to do, of course Im crying as I type this.
He yelled at me for other things in the past (I once put an unopened soda can on some random car for a few seconds so I can comb my hair- he started yelling in public that im damaging the car), thankfully never physically hit me but it still hurts to be yelled at for minor things.
Its difficult to see things clearly, and I would appreciate your input. Im unattractive, have no friends and pretty much spend time at work (customer support where I’m yelled at multiple times a day) or playing video games, take anxiety and ADHD medication. Exiting this relationship means Ill be much more isolated which scares me.
Sexually i have no libido but I force myself to please him from time to time(Bjs) and after Im done he pulls his pants and goes to sleep. I dont think he asked me more than a couple of times in 6 years if I want to be finished too.
He has a lot of friends and speaks to multiple people daily, im the opposite. Also farts a ton next to me daily. I dont even understand how hes so successful socially…
I feel like a joke to people, ever since I can remember I was treated badly by others (bullying in school , violence at home) and Im essentially treated like a walking doormat. Im so tired of being treated this way by people. Words cant express how much I just want to be alone and not to speak with another soul again.
Thank you for reading. Excuse any typing mistakes. If you need more answers, ask me and ill do my best to reply.
6 comments
You already know what to do, and you know the issue. You allow him to treat you like a doormat, so he will. He only cares about himself, which you know already. He only cares about you to the extent you do things for him. You know what to do. just walk.
“Thankfully he never physically hit me”…OP, if you have to add a sentence like that, like he gets a gold star for not beating you, than your relationship is hell.
Why are you in this relationship? This man treats you like his servant. He is emotionally and verbally abusive. He has no interest in pleasing you sexually.
What is your question though? Do you want permission to leave? I beg you to leave this man and never look back. And then get into therapy, so you don’t end up in another relationship with someone like this.
If your question is anything along the lines of “how do I fix this and/or make him respect me” the answer is that you do not. You cannot. It is not possible and the only thing you are at fault for is if you stay thinking this will ever be better.
You sound like a catch! What are you doing with this loser!?
Break up, be happy!
Auntie here. Sweetie, I say this with love, you need to leave this person. He’s toxic and taking advantage of you. He’s a user. You deserve so much better, and even being alone is better than being with this person. Hugs
You say you’re unattractive. Let’s go with that logic. I guess you think you won’t find anyone that finds you attractive after this guy, which is why you won’t leave. But, I mean, he clearly isn’t attracted to you either, because he cheated on you. He abuses you and your generosity. How is THAT better than being alone forever?
Now, **in reality,** he cheated because he’s a terrible person. You could be the perfect partner, and cheaters will cheat because they want to. You *think* you’re unattractive – but you’d probably brighten up and feel freer and more attractive if you cut this monster off. You’re better off alone than this alternative, but the truth is you WILL find someone.
If your little sister or best friend was telling you they’d rather be with someone who yells at them, cheats on them, abuses their money and help, than BEING ALONE – you’d probably think that’s devastatingly pathetic – to accept THAT treatment for themselves, to think that’s the best they can do.
leave him and take the car.