My (22F) boyfriend (23M) and I have been together for 7 months, we’ve been having sex for about 6 of those months now. We have it probably 4-5 times a week on average. It’s really good and I enjoy it. I enjoy being intimate with him that way. But I am ashamed to say I’ve been lying to him about having orgasms. Every time we’re done he’ll ask if I came, and I say yes. But I haven’t..once. Not once.
I’m ashamed that I lie to him but I also feel that way because why the hell can’t I orgasm???!!! He does everything right, it feels amazing, the positions are good and he always makes me feel comfortable. But I haven’t had ONE. And I want to. And I wanna stop lying to him. It started because the first time we had sex and he asked me, I did not lie and I actually told him I didn’t orgasm and he kept blaming himself and I could tell he was upset for a while after that. So now I just tell him yes every time. Ugh. Is there something wrong with my body?!:(
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Does he go down on you?
Nothings wrong with your body. Most women don’t orgasm from PIV sex. Try using a sex toy while having sex. … but He might not like that idea … so you gotta be straight forward with him and just reassure him everything feels good, but you just need a little extra … help. And the more you dwell on the fact you aren’t orgasming and thinking about it too much during sex, it’s probably gunna keep you from orgasming … it’s like mind games
Do you orgasm when you masturbate? If so, you may benefit by incorporating some of those elements into your partnered sex.
Toys during PiV work well for us.
A lot of girls can’t orgasm from penetration! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you, at all. I couldn’t for the longest time either, and for me it was the case of not being relaxed and aroused enough. Once I got to the point where I could fully relax and empty my mind, I could enjoy it and I actually began having orgasms from it!
There is nothing wrong with your body. There are many things that can contribute to a lack of female orgasm. It doesn’t mean he’s doing anything wrong, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, and it definitely doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with your body.
It sounds like you’re experiencing pleasure from sexual play when you’re in those spaces and that is great! Definitely better then if you were experiencing pain or even numbness with sex.
My first recommendation would be to be honest with him about not having orgasms. When you’re doing so you’re denying both of you a really big opportunity to be able to play around and find the things that really get your sexual engines going so to speak. There can be a lot of focus on getting to the end goal of climax with sex, and sometimes it just doesn’t happen. I personally find I’m able to drop into significantly more pleasure when I’m just enjoying the journey, rather then focusing on if I’m going to climax or not. Removing some of the pressure to climax can be big all on its own, bring the focus to the exploration, and if climax comes great, and if it doesn’t great, you had fun regardless.
The next thing I highly recommend is checking out the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. There is a ton of great information in her book on female sexuality, simple practices, and she’s hilarious!
Also, keep in mind that even at 22/23 years old, sexual experience can be relatively new. There is a lot that can go into sexual exploration, and dropping fully into pleasure. So be kind with yourself and your body.
Best wishes on your sexual adventures ❤️
There is nothing wrong with your body. There’s lots of good advice in this thread, but I want to come at this from a different angle.
>It started because the first time we had sex and he asked me, I did not lie and I actually told him I didn’t orgasm and he kept blaming himself and I could tell he was upset for a while after that.
I don’t know what’s going on here…maybe he’s emotionally immature, maybe he has some unrealistic ideas and expectations related to female sexual response. I’d wager some of both is probably most likely. Most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone and most don’t orgasm every time they have sex.
The idea that he’s gonna pout every time you don’t have an orgasm is a problem. It puts a lot of indirect pressure on you to orgasm and NOTHING kills a woman’s orgasm faster than feeling pressured to cum. Without that pressure, maybe you relax more and get more into the moment instead of focusing on the outcome.
Many/most girls can’t cum from just PIV alone, and also as a guy there’s not much hotter than a girl who’s doing what she needs to, to get off. Whether it’s touching herself, or saying what she wants, or guiding my hand or whatever. Seize the means of production!
You could try adding vibrators into the bedroom. Or spend some time with yourself and figure out what works for your body when your alone and there is no pressure
Sounds like he needs to stimulate your clit during, or even fingering your g spot may do it. Nothing to feel bad about, as everyone else is saying it’s normal!
Check out r/becomingorgasmic!
Does he eat you out? If not, he should be. Most women can’t orgasm just from penetrative sex, clitoral stimulation is the most common orgasm for women and one that’s often neglected. Nothing is wrong with your body, it’s the world that’s wrong for making you think there’s something wrong with you when that’s just how your body works! Foreplay and oral sex should be incorporated, if not already!
There is nothing wrong with you, however you might need more stimulation to get off. You might need a longer dick to really fill you up.
You might need to stop thinking about me when he is fucking you.
Seriously, can you cum when you play with yourself?
Not you. But sometimes people in relationships get a little lackadaisical in their efforts. That said, indicating that there was a conclusion to the union. Is above and beyond in communication. Thank you for a satisfying conclusion!
I can’t orgasm unless I’m also touching my clit while having sex. Are you doing that? Or using a vibrator on your clit? This is why most women don’t have an orgasm.
erm…. maybe use a vibrator and/or oral/digital stimulation and not just fucking? Lotta girls can’t come from piv. all sex is sex… so do the kinda sex that is going to get you off.
Are you trying to orgasm just from vaginal penetration?
I stimulate my clit at the same time as I have piv, I can’t orgasm otherwise
I can’t give you advice for the orgasm. But I can tell you I’ve been going through similar sex issues with my husband. We’ve been together 7 years and I finally bared most this past summer and the horrible aftermath nearly ended our marriage.
Tell him as soon as possible. Find solutions as a couple.
I’ve never understood men asking that question. Is it an ego or insecurity thing. I can understand women lying because some men seem to care so much. That being said, now that you’ve set the precedent of lying about it it’s pretty tough to come back from that.
This is a long-shot, but my ex-wife and I couldn’t figure out why she didn’t orgasm. Turns out she was reaching orgasm, but with no spasm, as her epilepsy medicine was not letting her spasm. When we observed carefully, all of the other indicators of orgasm were present.
Does he go down on you and/or give you an orgasm from foreplay? I find my wife can orgasm comfortably from PIV sex once she’s come a few times from me giving her oral.
You need to stop lying. Never lie. If a man can’t handle the truth, he’s not ready for sex.
Have you ever had an orgasm? With a parter? Alone? That’s the first step. If you know how to cum, that will help you repeat it.
What are you guys doing? Is it only penetration? Are you touching your clit while you have sex? Using a vibrator! Does he give you oral? Finger you?
You need to tell him, and yes it’s going to be very bad when he learns the truth, that you have been lying. But you just need to tell him, you were afraid to hurt him but you realize that was wrong. Tell him you want to work on this. That you want honesty between you. That you don’t want him to feel bad, that will stress you out and make it harder to cum. That sometimes men AND women struggle to cum. And the journey to figure that out can be fun, and intimate. That you want to take that journey with him with no pressure.
Glad for you that you’re having fun and feeling good in the sex that you’re having. That in and of itself is worthwhile! Many women do not come every time they have penetrative sex with a partner. There’s nothing wrong with you or your body. That all being said, a bad precedent has been set with you feeling like you have to lie to your boyfriend about coming because he pouted the first time when you said you didn’t. Undoing that might honestly be tricky but you can’t fully explore what will get you off for real with your partner otherwise. Both of you sound very young to me, and I don’t mean to condescend. Does he also know that coming is sometimes complicated and that his whole ego doesn’t have to rest on that because he already makes you felt good? Is there a way you can show him that if you can’t speak it? Can you put his hand or show him what your hand likes to do to help you get off clitorally during sex? Only a small percentage of women get off from penetration alone. You might suggest trying the clitoral stimulation or g spot stim as well, which can be easier to get at with fingers or toys.
Ironically, it could be the very worry about not having an orgasm that is frustrating your ability to have an orgasm. Think of it like “performance anxiety”. It’s not something wrong with your body, I’d say, it’s all about the headspace. Part of being able to achieve an orgasm from penetration is being in the right frame of mind and trying to be as mentally present as possible. It will definitely help to put that anxiety out of mind because focusing on it is going to make it nearly impossible to cum.
If there is any way to work in more foreplay to your sex, that might be your ticket. Try to do as much as you can to savor the moment. I hope that your boyfriend also realizes that there is no need to dig in a hard-set goalpost when it comes to making love. An orgasm is not a marker of having “done it right”… It’s about the passion and bonding shared in the moment, that’s what makes sex “good”. Orgasms are amazing, sure, but sex itself is an intoxicating pleasure that needn’t be undercut by arbitrary goals. That all said, I wish you two all the best!
If my GF told me after 7 months she had not in fact had a single orgasm and she lied about it all the time I’d be crushed…
I have only cum with out direct clit stimulation like 3 times my whole life. Most don’t. My husband usually gets me off before actual PIV or during then we kee going for him. He had to be trained to know how. Not because he was clueless but every woman likes some thing different. Once he was he knows when I do. Almost all the guys I’d been with previously did once they knew how. And the times I don’t I tell him during, while I want to partake in activities my head is too busy to let me. It happens he gets it. Sometimes we have too much going on to just let go. So point is figure out what works for you and teach him!
I really doubt there is anything wrong with your body, but, I am sorry that you are questioning that.
I can share that my primary partner of 20 years didn’t really seem to have PIV orgasms for years. In fact, I don’t think she had orgasms with me or solo for most of her life. It was really sad, tbh. But, I was happy that she told me that she was still enjoying what we did sexually, even if orgasms didn’t happen. I didn’t actually understand that at all until after I did MDMA, which, can suppress male orgasms, and, was maybe 16 years after she initially tried to explain this to me.
I am happy to report that things have changed a bunch for my wife, as it relates to her having orgasms. I doubt that I am doing anything differently, but she typically has many orgasms when we play nowadays. And, I am pretty happy for her, and don’t assume that it is about me at all.
So, I really hope that you can both be more honest with your partner (as it mattered a bunch to me – even if it took me a long time to understand), and that I hope you can have even more pleasure in play, even if it takes time.
First I’d drop the shame (this is a very unhelpful emotion when it comes to sexual relationships) and stop owning all of this. You have fibbed because he’s putting you under pressure and you want to make him happy also a sort of tricky place to be when it comes to sex. It’s your orgasm not his. Perhaps you need to explain to him the reality of female orgasms and he needs to stop chasing something that belongs to you. Even when you watch porn it’s clear to see that not everyone orgasms or has a wild orgasm. Unwittingly he’s behaving like a pushy mum chasing an A grade to fulfil his own sense of purpose. Treating your orgasm as if it’s his performance is really patronising. Of course it’s great that he wants you to have an orgasm but as soon as he stops trying to do make this happen and instead lets you take control of your own body to allows it to happen, it will probably will just, well… happen 😂. You may not be swinging from a chandelier either. It might just be a little wave. That’s fine, TV and ladies with very loud voices on this subject have turned female orgasms into an unachievable goal for most women. They vary from person to person and at different times and occasions. Good luck.
Don’t be ashamed….that’s the first thing.
Second, play with your clit while he’s inside you…you’ll orgasm no problem. And he shouldn’t care, in fact most guys are turned on by the fact you’re doing it.
Third, try prone bone (aka plank). This position will make it so easy for you to orgasm from PIV. If it doesn’t then slide your hand down there and play with your clit while in this position. Game changer—trust me.
Your lies are one of the most hurtful things you can do to a man. It is not a problem you cannot orgasm from PIV. It is your lies.
If I could drop any advice it’ll be this.
Based off of my experience I’m able to make my girl come from piv a lot easier after she is all worked up.
How I get her worked up and primed really good is I drag out foreplay.
I’m really into going down on her so I usually eat her out until she cum and then initiate piv.
You’ve been lying for 6 months? How is that even remotely fair to him? Does he think he’s in an honest relationship and wants to take it further? This is not a relationship built on trust. If my wife suddenly said I haven’t had an orgasm all these years I’d be devastated because 1) I’d think she can’t trust me enough to help work through these issues together and 2) The feeling of inferiority because I’d think it’s my fault this entire time instead of deceiving me that I’m doing everything right. I don’t think I’d ever recover from this and neither might he.
Male here. Sex for my ex was a bit painful at first unfortunately and she never could orgasm during PIV sex.
We would make out a lot and she loved it. She told me that she can orgasm by herself easily multiple times, but never with a partner. I wasn’t her first.
During our first time, I asked her “did you cum?” She said, no. And I thought it was my fault. But when we talked about it, I totally understood. It lifted the pressure from both of us. She still enjoys sex a lot albeit after the initial warm up.
One day we were at my place with some of our friends over. We were cooking… Somehow all of our friends needed to go somewhere around the house and we were alone in the kitchen. I started to flirt with her and started kissing her and nibbling on her neck… one arm around her back and the other holding the pan haha. She starting kissing me back her legs around my thigh… And all of a sudden, I felt her starting to shake and sink to the floor. I held her up closer and looked at her as she just had one of the most intense orgasms that took quite a bit. I was so excited for her and was like “wow, did you just orgasm!?” She looked at me and nodded… she was a bit embarrassed about it…! But i hugged her and told her it was so hot and one of my best experiences ever.
It was just that one experience. However, we used to enjoy a lot of long making out sessions with a lot of dry humping and she loved it.
What I am trying to say is that telling him the truth is much better then lying. There are so many things you both can do to enjoy each other. Good luck!
Dunno about all of you, but having to ask your woman if she came EVERY TIME you have sex is… well… not really a turn on.
OP, do you sense that you feel a bit pressured to cum since he’s always asking if you did? You feel bad almost every time you don’t cum that it is set in the back of your mind and you are trying too hard to get there.
Tell your man to stop asking that question and just enjoy the sex.
Oral have him go down on you.