Me and my gf have a fairly new relationship and have just started getting intimate together. Apparently we’re very sexually compatible, to the point where she will get carried away physically every time we have sex. More than any woman I’ve previously slept with.
My back looks like I’ve gotten into a fistfight with a goddamn wildcat thanks to her clawing the hell out of me. Even though the ‘battle scars’ fill me with pride I just bruise easily and would rather not deal with it all the time. I don’t want to keep explaining to people at work why I have palm-sized bruises on my triceps all the time.
We’ve talked about it together and she says that it’s reflex and that she can’t control it very well. Is there something I can do to protect myself more?
tl;dr – How do I “control” GF during sex better so I don’t wind up looking like a scratching post?
49 comments
Always insist on using protection during sex. I recommend hockey pads and light Kevlar.
When things het up switch to Doggy style. Safer back there unless she reaches back and grabs your balls too hard. Good luck.
Tell her you would like to handcuff her during sex 😄
Tie her up.
All of these comments about tying her up…
Ok that’s cute and all. But look, every grown human being is in full control of their actions. She is doing these things because she WANTS to. And you telling her you don’t want her to should be enough for her to stop. Can you imagine if a woman told a man she didn’t want it so rough that she was left with bruises and scratches, and he just said it’s reflex and he can’t control it???
Ah hell no. Talk to her again. Tell her it’s not ok. She needs to tone it down. And if she won’t, she doesn’t respect you.
She won’t respect you in other areas either.
I have nothing to add that’s not been said apart from to say that I am so tired that I misread the title and thought someone was physically carrying your girlfriend away during sex. I need coffee…
Buy her mittens and tape or tie them on so she can’t shake them off.
Dude. No one gets so carried away during sex that they can’t stop themselves from hurting their partner and if they can’t stop themselves, they shouldn’t be having sex.
It she really can’t stop herself, then you might have to. Next time she scratches you, stop having sex. And again and again. She’ll get with the program.
You don’t need to control her during sex, she needs to control herself. She’s is not actually a wild animal and she’s capable of expressing restraint. If a woman posted on here that her bf couldn’t help but hurting her because he was so in the moment, the comments would be dramatically different. It’s not ok that your gf is doing this and that she doesn’t listen to or respect your boundaries.
I was like that ,and my husband didn’t like that type of aggression so I stopped, it calls a boundary and you need to enforce it, if you don’t like it that way once she starts doing it just stop and tell her until she learns to control it.
No, it is really not a reflex. I would recommend talking to her again. Telling her that this is a problem and it needs to stop.
I don’t even understand people who claim they do things during sex because they can’t help it. This isn’t like her legs shaking during orgasm. This is a voluntary movement. She can grab the bed if she wants to squeeze something.
She must think this shit is cute. It’s not. Make that clear.
She can she just isn’t
In the same way that a dude could stop choking a woman but chooses not to.
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Put oven gloves on her
Ok so I can get carried away, when I was like 21 it was bad, I wouldn’t realize I was doing it. Long term partner was like hey it’s hot but it hurts like fuck and I’m not always feeling that. So Every time I started scratching, he’d very aggressively be like OUUUUUCH and flip me into another position. That trained me pretty damn well
Arnica cream heals bruises very quickly, and vitamin E oil or Rosehip oil (same difference) is great for healing scratches. Tell her you need her to apply some aftercare to you when she does damage.
And tell her she has to listen when you say ‘lighter’, ‘softer’, OW! ‘Let go’ ‘calm down a minute’…
Also tell her (if you don’t want the scratches) that you need her to cut her nails VERY short, it’s important to you.
As for the questions, just calmly say ‘they’re from sex’. Most people will stop asking.
She is absolutely in control of it. She’s lying to you bro. She’s not respecting what you’re telling her.
Why don’t I see any suggestions for positions where she faces away from OP???
Like doggie, prone bone, reverse cowgirl and even her edge of bed missionary w OP standing.
Next time tie her up
Next time tie her up!
She absolutely can control it, she just doesn’t want to. I think somewhere along the way she got the idea in her head that this behavior was really hot and sexy and that her doing it means she’s amazing at sex. Except you’ve told her you don’t like it. She doesn’t want to let go of feeling like she’s amazing at sex.
I can just imagine if the genders were reversed here and it was a man hurting a woman during sex and she asked him to stop and he said he couldn’t control it so she just had to deal with it. So would she be expected to just put up with him hurting her every time? No. No way. She’d be told he was abusive and to dump him immediately.
Your GF is being abusive and her refusing to stop is her refusing to respect you.
Time to go lol
Tie her up
Wear a cape.
Use a bear hunting suit.
Agree with everyone here saying she can control it, she’s choosing not to.
I like a little roughness during sex; but if I tell my partner to tone it down and they don’t listen, there will be no more sex. Period.
Be specific about what behavior needs to stop, ie, “I do not like it when you break the skin on my back, please stop doing that.”
If your partner claims they can’t control themselves, what it really means is that her enjoyment is more important than the pain she’s causing you. This should be unacceptable to you. Make her understand that this is a hard limit, not a preference, and there will be consequences (no more sex or ending the relationship) if she cannot respect you as a human being.
Ask her wear oven mitts, or something on her hands that don’t scratch or leave bruises.
No one has that little control, especially if it’s hurting someone you care about. You’d reel that shit in immediately. I bet she thinks she’s great in bed because of ‘wild’ and ‘crazy’ she is 😒😒
Idk it takes a lot of strength and intention to scratch the crap out of someone even during high pleasure. My husband and I get very rowdy but he doesn’t like getting scratched up like a cat post so I don’t do it she knows and is aware of what she’s doing you should definitely talk to her about it because that’s a weird excuse!
She definitely should not be doing that lol
Try doggy style, that’ll keep Her arms busy holding Herself up.
I’ve hurt my self multiple times while avoiding hurting my husband. I too “get carried away” some times but once he said he didn’t enjoy me hurting him I stopped and now I grab pillows, blankets, bed frames, my own arms, anything that is not my partner.
My girlfriend did the same when we first got together
You have set your boundary and she needs to respect it. Tell her bluntly to cut the shit.
Just pull her hair
I don’t understand how nail clippers isn’t the top comment.
If it is really a completely uncontrollable reflex (which is doubtful) then there are a number of adaptations you could make here: she could wear gloves, she could grip a pillow or the sheets instead of your arms, you could try different positions where she can’t grab you, you could tie her down or hold her down (if she’s into that), you could wear clothes that prevent her from hurting you, etc.
Ultimately it’s all about effective communication and mutual respect with your partner. You have communicated and should continue to do so. If any partner cannot respect you enough to honor the communication, time to reconsider the partner.
>she says that it’s reflex and that she can’t control it very well.
That’s a lie. That is her saying ‘I don’t care to change this, and would rather lie than address my behavior.’
She should be challenged on that.
I agree 100% of the points that she has control and just isn’t listening. Flip this around, if a guy was too forceful on a gal – would that be acceptable? Works both ways.
Something else to consider is different positions while you figure that out. If you are coming in from behind for instance
The answer is: tell her in plain English to stop. If that isn’t the end of the discussion then there’s a problem.
I’d just tell her it hurts and be assertive. If she continues, stop having sex with her. You aren’t obligated to do things that make you uncomfortable.
I used to have a “reflex” to grab my partner really hard when I had an orgasm during sex. My exes would get bruises on their arms. My current bf told me that shit hurts, dont do it – never did it again because even if its a “reflex” youre in control of what youre doing 🙂 should be easily solved.
Sweetie, you have communicated your boundaries, she keeps trampling them. You could try to act on your boundaries. She starts hurting you? Sex is over for the night. She killed the mood. Boundary crossing is not sexy.
And if that doesn’t help, you need to ask yourself why you accept that someone who says they love ignores your needs and physical integrity.
Good luck
That’s bullshit about a reflex she can’t control, try reversing the genders and have a new boyfriend say the same thing to his girlfriend. She needs to get control of herself.
My wife tried this when we first started dating. I told her to stop. I don’t under why someone would want to be clawed.
Bros taking pride in “battle scars”. Just like majority of comments say, unless she actually has a neurological problem that is diagnosed by a neurological specialist, it’s purposefully done. Ngl, sometimes we have reflexes that aren’t an underlying issue but they just happen. I have a bad gag reflex (which is fine cuz I’m a guy), I can’t control it very well but it’s not a health issue. Some body’s react diffferently.
Here are some things you can do to stop this:
#1
Does it happen during a certain kind of sex? (Rp, anal, etc.) If so, try to avoid that
#2 wear a sweater. It ain’t sexy, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
#3 if you are really not having it, and nothing else seems to work, just tone down sex extremely, like to the point of barely any climax. Or stop it all together. It’s rough to say but sometimes things can’t be helped physically by the owner, or mentally by the victim.
“I can’t control it” is bullshit. Set your boundaries. If she doesn’t abide by them after you’ve made it clear, it is assault.
If she’s claiming it’s a physical reflex of some kind, then you’ll have to deal with it in the same way we do with other people (I mean, it’s mainly toddlers?) who are in that zone. You stop all sex at the first sign of the behaviour. The very first lil scritch. You just calmly (no drama) disentangle yourself and go do something else. Together, or separately, but sex is now off the table for the day. No sulking, no arguing. Just calm and consistent, every time until her ‘instincts’ are rewired. By all means let her know this will be happening and that it isn’t a punishment, it’s a boundary and a strategy designed to help both of you get on track with a new mutually happy sex life. It’s hard to stop sex, and it’s very hard to do it consistently when you’ve got such an enthusiastic lover on your hands. But I think it’s a good (only?) option if she thinks she’s somehow ‘powerless’ to change. Tip: she isn’t.
I’ve accidentally scratched my husband but not like he’s a damn scratching post. This chick has issues. She shouldn’t be hitting you during sex either. That’s just … that’s not normal.
I suggest a very serious talk. Maybe people can get carried away cuz of overwhelming pleasure, euphoria, etc. But not the point where they’re ripping their partner to shreds. I think a serious talk needs to be bad here.