I don’t know how to feel about marriage and life anymore?

My husband and I have had rocky times. We met at 16. I was very damaged. I wasn’t in school. I was working and supporting myself. My mum didn’t really want me living with her. She sent me to live with my Aunty who had a son same age. But I got alcoholic poisoning and so she sent me to live with my brother. I drank a lot with my brother. They found out they were expecting another child so I moved in with my dad. I always felt like my mum had the opinion I was born a selfish person but I just didn’t really know how to express my feelings and was scared people would perceive me as weak. When she met my husband she warned him that I had a cold heart. I also for some reason don’t like people touching me and so I never wanted to hug my mum. My mum was messed up from stuff that happened to her as a child from her dad and she made me feel like if I hugged my dad, I was being inappropriate. I lived in my dads house but he worked away for 4+ weeks at a time. And was a functioning alcoholic. He couldn’t even help me get my licence. He had lost his due to DD. I did get my license (where I lived you need to prove you did 100hr of driving. I faked every hour and just winged it after 7 driving lesson) I worked full time and drank in my spare time. I was with my husband for 6 months before we spent a night together with me sober. Then I moved in with him because on a few occasions I got home to find condoms in my bedroom bin and the lock broken from my door because my dads drunk friends had been sleeping in my bed. My husband and I got pregnant at 19 and he started working away from home.
I quit drinking obviously. Had our daughter. We built a house. Age 20 we had a miscarriage. Then another a few months later I found out on my 21st birthday which I spent the day alone with our daughter. My husband was away for work. So my sister dropped me off and picked me up from the hospital once I’d had the procedure to remove the baby. I had some serious mental health issues after. That no one really believed or supported. Over time I just got over it. Just before I turned 22, we had our son.
His working away rosters after that were pretty long at times. Sometimes 6 weeks. My mum got cancer when I was 24 and chose not to do medical treatment. When we were 25 my husband had an affair. I guess I was too distracted with raising kids and concern for my mother. The affair was physical. Not emotional. My mum died a couple of months later. her husband sneakishly without my mum knowing spent the inheritance she was passing onto us kids. We moved 10hrs drive away from our families for my husbands work the day after my mums funeral and besides grieving my loss we been pretty happy. The best my life has ever been. The only issue is he doesn’t really like my job because I’m a fast food manager and he finds it embarrassing I work with teenagers. He sees it that I haven’t grown up yet.
Any way. We have become the best of friends. And love spending time together. We have same goals etc etc etc.
however he recently return to working away and the job that he’s on just makes me question men. All of them cheat on their wives.
I don’t believe he is because we have a lot of communication and there hasn’t been anything suspicious. But just knowing how many do it has made me question are there any men that don’t cheat???? And how long until my husband decides there’s a better woman out there for him.
Also we got into an argument last week about his parents coming for Xmas. They’re invited to come but he works away and I just wanted the last couple of his break with no family here. His parents and siblings are all coming and going over a span of two weeks. When I said I wanted the last couple of days, his parents got angry at me and my husband sided with them. And then he said a lot of hurtful things about my personality. That I’m weird. Psycho etc. and that I’m selfish…. I don’t have many friends. I’m an introvert. And I just don’t know how to get along ‘with the girls’ I never have fit in with what they want to talk about. I often fit more with the boys but I can’t have male friends. Every time I have had male friends before I was with my husband they eventually always catch feelings. Even since being with my husband there’s been a couple of times his friends have.

Any ways during the argument My husband pointed out that no one likes me.
And it’s because they can see how weird and psycho I am.
We have sorted the argument out now but his words have just really stuck with me.
I feel like damn I really am just a pile of waste.
My whole perspective on who I am, what marriage is, what the world is has changed.
And I can’t feel good about anything.
I don’t feel like anyone on this earth would truely see any good in me.
My husband asked why I am different since our argument and I said how can he be with someone that he thinks is selfish and not a good person? He said he just said it because he was mad and told me 100 times since he loves me and wants me to feel positive about myself. But I just can’t.
The evidence is there that no one likes me. And there’s got to be a reason for that.
Surely people do think that of me.
I feel ugly; I feel like I’m too effed up beyond repair that my husband or anyone could be happy with me. My listen to ‘kiss me’ by sixpence and fantasise about my husband wanting me because to him I am a beautiful person. But I know I don’t truely believe that he or any man on this earth would see me with pure love because I am unlovable.
My own family never picked me and I thought my husband did but he has shown at the end of the day he would take his parents side.
There’s no true love and I don’t know how to cope?