I’m a 28F and I have never been in a relationship or had sex. My early twenties were not the happiest years of my life and I struggled a lot with my anxiety and low self esteem. I really had to work on myself before I felt ready to date. I didn’t start dating until this year as a result. Just to clear I didn’t sit around doing nothing during my twenties, I just prioritized other things. I went to grad school, moved across the country and started my career. I’m a lot better mentally but I still struggle with anxiety and insecurities about being a late bloomer. I am actively trying to meet guys through Bumble and social events. I have been on some dates but I haven’t met anyone compatible yet. I am personally waiting until I form an emotional connection with someone before having sex. Ideally I would want to be in a relationship with the person I have sex with. I am not waiting until marriage though and I am not waiting due to religious reasons.
The people who I have told about my inexperience have all reacted positively to it. They have never shamed me for my life choices or made me feel like I am weird. I think I am pretty attractive, fun to be around, and I would make a great partner. When it comes to sex, even though I am a virgin, I am a sexual person. I masturbate, I have a sex toy and lingerie collection, I watch porn and I think I would be adventurous in the bedroom once I find the right person. My anxiety tends to tell me that I won’t be able to find a guy who will accept me for who I am.
14 comments
>The people who I have told about my inexperience have all reacted positively to it.
You answered your own question.
I’m a woman who lost my virginity at 30. Trust me, you’ll be fine.
Yes. A small number of men (usually terrified of commitment) may avoid you based on that fact. Not a meaningful percentage though.
Be aware that if you haven’t made out by date three a lot of men will assume you aren’t particularly interested. It would be a good idea to explain your position on sex at that stage.
Most men are intrigued by it, but be wary of their intentions . They may not be interested in you as a person and will play the part to see how far they can get you. It’s almost like a game they need to win, in their eyes. I suggest you don’t tell them right away until you two are serious. If a guy doesn’t like it, good riddance, not the one. I’m 32f virgin and have found most men are fascinated by it more and will remember you more than the girls who they have slept with. Even the guys who lost interest seemingly because I didn’t sleep with them on their timeline still linger in my inbox years later
You’ll be fine. There are men who actively look for women like you. Good or bad guy is really subjective in most cases. Compatibility, life goals, love, attraction. More of it is in the your head than people’s secret judgement.
A few people will probably like a 0 body count. A few might be put off. Overall it’s probably a wash.
I was (m)y partner’s (f)irst. She was 27 and I was 32. I didn’t expect it, but I had no issues with it.
My wife was a late bloomer. She didn’t lose her virginity until her 30’s. If she can do it, so can you.
You’re too sweet for this world. You’re going to find someone who will appreciate how wonderful you are
You’re the unicorn that plenty of guys are looking for.
I was the same way. It’s not as much of a problem for a woman as it is for a man, imo. Since a guy is naturally expected to lead.
As long as you’re enthusiastic and open to it you will be fine! Also, I’m hearing that this is a fairly common thing so don’t stress over it.
I think your first step is to start dating…
I’m an older male virgin and it wold be cool to meet someone in the same boat who’s age appropriate, but I’m not exactly looking for it. I haven’t really told anyone IRL, but online most people aren’t negative about it. I think there’d be even less judgement for a woman. Just make sure you and whoever you do get with are on the same page about what sort of relationship you want.
If anything, this type of thing would make you even more attractive to me.
It means you don’t need to worry so much about STDs, and it means you get to try all sorts of things. I’d be using this if I were interested in you as a way of helping you understand what you like, helping me understand some things I might like, but never forcing you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.