Me (19M) and my gf, Sarah (19F) (not real name), have been dating for 2 months and were talking for 4 months before that. Everything has been great so far (as one would hope this early in a relationship) and I think we’re a great match.
However recently something happened that just hasn’t been sitting right with me and I’m unsure on how to go about it/what to say.
Awhile ago one of her roommates was having some friends from a different college stay in their dorm for a gameday weekend and my gf was not happy. Sarah talked about this one guy that was coming and how creepy and weird and ugly he is. She was upset her roommate invited him and wouldn’t tell him to not come for my gfs sake.
For backstory Sarah met him when she went with her roommate to their college to visit these same friends.
They came anyways and she ended up staying with me the whole weekend. The weekend went by with no issues, I met them and had small talk and that was that.
However cutting to the present, I got a Snapchat the other day from Sarah’s roommate. I open it and it’s one of her friends from the other college randomly talking smack to me and he finished off by saying “that’s why my boy fucked ur girl.” Obviously I was taken aback and asked Sarah about this because she had already told me that she had not been with any of the guys that were staying in her dorm sexually.
Well it turns out the guy she called all of those names was indeed the guy she had sex with. She told me she lied because she didn’t want me to think too much into it and feel weird in the fact that he was staying in her dorm.
Now let me get this straight, I have no problem with the fact she had sex with someone before she knew me, everyone has pasts. And I was not upset with how she acted that weekend. I’m upset by the fact she lied to me about something like this, especially pretty early on in a relationship.
I get where she is coming from but at the same time if she had been honest with me there would be no issue at all. And now I also trust her less
I was upset when I found out about this but have cooled off since then but it has left a really bad taste in my mouth. I just don’t know what to say or how to have this conversation with her because in my mind it’s not a relationship-breaking issue but I still feel pretty hurt from being lied to.
TL:DR: Girlfriend lied about having sex with someone before she knew me pretty early on in our relationship and while I have cooled off since, I have a bad taste left in my mouth and I’m unsure how to proceed.
2 comments
I mean the fact that she was pissed that someone “ugly” was coming over should have been the first red flag about her character. And it ended up being worse!
It’s been two months and she’s shallow and you can’t trust her. I’m not sure I would move forward personally. Plus her friends sound like a bunch of immature/drama seeking people.
If you do, then talk to her exactly how you did here.
Yeah, her calling him creepy when she (assumingly) consented to sex with him at one point is a major red flag. What might she say about you when you’ve broken up? Will she try to tell everyone it wasn’t consensual?
That she lied and tried to redirect you by insulting him to ease your suspicions, is also not okay.
You guys need to sit down and have a pretty serious conversation. She’s definitely immature but she’s also 19, she can learn and grow if she decides it’s worth it. This is where you both can make a decision about if you want to learn and grow together, or if this immaturity is breakup worthy.