https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/IawbRzvAQ7
Here’s an update to my last post which is linked above.
So i decided to talk it out with him and explain to him why i needed more alone time and that i need to focus on my mental health right now. He seemed very understanding about it. He told me he wanted me to be happy and to do what i need to do to achieve that. We agreed to start spending a little bit more time apart. I’m spending Thanksgiving with my family this year so i felt guilty and stayed for 3 nights in a row. When i finally left and went back to my house he begged me the whole day to come back over and for the first time i finally put my foot down and said no. And he literally didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. I tried to work it out with him and set my boundaries but clearly it’s not working. So i’m just going to do me at this point. And if he doesn’t like it then he doesn’t have to stay. I’ve only spent a couple days by myself and every body around me is saying i look so much happier and that it looks like i’m doing better. He wants to see me happy but under his conditions and i’m putting a stop to that. Reddit should i see how this plays out or consider breaking it off now?
3 comments
I might consider just breaking things off. Your boyfriend seems like he has some deep insecurities about being cheated on/abandoned, and he doesn’t seem mature enough to know how to navigate those feelings in a healthy way. The solution to trust issues is not controlling your partner and never letting them out of your sight. The fact that you spent 3 days with him and he was still begging you to come back when you finally left is concerning.
The only people who get angry when you set a boundary are the people who were previously benefiting from you not having a boundary. I don’t think you or anyone would be able to meet his extreme needs for closeness and reassurance. That’s something only he can fix about himself, ideally with a therapist.
If you’re noticeably happier when you’re free of him, I think that’s your answer.
“under his conditions”
Break up now.
I am only hearing your side of the story, but he seems inauthentic being OK and understanding at first, but then trying to push your boundaries afterwards. Kind of like…he is knows well enough how to act to keep you invested, but doesn’t actually mean what he says, and the mask starts to come off. Sorry to bring age into this, but I think you’re too young to be this serious and dealing with these types of issues. If you were my friend, sister or daughter, I would ask you to look at this from a point of a self-growth, invest in yourself, and move on. Learning to set healthy boundaries, stick to them, and see others based on their actions is a tough skill to learn, but a very valuable one that will pay dividends in future relationships.