we met in college in 2019. its been a tumultuous couple of years, a lot of good and a lot of bad. this may i thought i had had enough and was going to break up with her, so i started the conversation, only to find out she was pregnant.
we both thought she should have an abortion, so i decided to put off breaking up with her until after the abortion. we come to find out that shes too late to have the pill abortion and then she decided she wants to keep the child. i was very much against this because i felt we are way too unprepared to bring a child into the world. so i told her that she should get the surgical abortion and she broke dowon crying. i felt really bad because she was always very stoic and never cried about anything. so i consulted with my family and they said that they would help us with whatever we needed and they were so happy.
she also turned a corner when she realized she was going to become a mother, she started being really nice and accepting of me in a way she never had been in the past and i thought maybe everything will be ok.
shes now 7 1/2 months pregnant. she hasnt spoken to me for 4 days. we have no real interests together anymore. even though we live together we barely speak and ive been sleeping on the couch.
she also was talking about how she wants to be closer to her family who live 2 hours away. i just started working a full time job in may that i cant really afford to give up, especially since im now paying for a car that we bought together in for our child to be able to be transported around safely.
i feel like if we werent having a child together we wouldve broken up by now and are only staying together for our kid now. both of our parents are still together and before she was pregnant we used to talk about the importance of a household with a mother and a father.
i have been really back and forth with the idea of being a father to my child, because as i said before, i didn’t think we were ready. sometimes i feel like we are and sometimes i feel like my whole life is about to be changed in a way i didnt really want or expect to happen yet.
because of this she has told me multiple times that she wants to know if im in this with her or if she should move back home and start her life a new with us separated. not wanting to be a horrible person i thought we should stay together.
but i still think we arent ready and im really afraid. ive been coping really unhealthily, i didnt even get out of bed this weekend while she spent the weekend with her parents, she also barely spoke to me at all all weekend.
i just dont know what to do. i cant help but feel resentful about all of this because i feel like i am being forced into it. yes i shouldve taken more of a precaution to avoid a pregnancy but she also was taking the pill and apparently forgot to take it, or took it inconsistently and ended up pregnant. i had no idea that she had been taking it inconsistently.
she used to support me in my hobbies and things and i did and she no longer cares. we used to do things together. but now we don’t really do anything anymore.
should we break up/separate?
TL;DR was going to break up, gf wound up pregnant, decided to stay together, have nothing in common anymore nor do i think we ,ike each other anymore. should we stay together for our child?
3 comments
“Should we make sure that our kid grows up with shitty relationship examples and trauma?”
There is no such thing as “for the kids” because all that does is fucks us up worse.
lol no you shouldn’t “stay together for the child”? How does forcing a relationship nobody wants to be in help the child?
>not wanting to be a horrible person I thought we should stay together.
I see you trying. I respect it. You want to be a good man, a good parent, but you’re not ready for this and you’re scared. That’s okay. You can do this and get through this.
The thing is, you can be a good man and a good parent even if you’re not together with her. Ask anyone who had parents who stayed together for the kids, it’s not a good time for them OR for the parents. Literally every person you ask is gonna tell you how relieved they were when their parents finally did split.
She can tell you’re not ready and that your heart isn’t in this. She knows how you feel. She says she’s ready to move to her parents house and get the support she needs, start a life and raise the kid there. That seriously sounds like a better option right now, doesn’t it?
You do the right thing by doing what is best for her and for the baby. Talk to her about how you feel, about how you are uncertain about the relationship and scared of raising the baby, but you damn well make sure you offer to support and co parent even if you’re separate.
If you want to not be a horrible person, that’s the best you can do for everyone involved, yourself, her, and the baby. But if you want to be a good man, you make sure to pay child support and you visit your baby.