My (31F) boyfriend (37m) read my journal
My boyfriend and I have been dating for around a year, in a completely monogamous relationship for the last 6 months. Yesterday my boyfriend was acting really distant so finally I asked him if there was something bothering him. He then confessed that he had read my journal. We live together and I had left it out on the table after writing (drunkenly) in it the night before. In my journal was an entry about missing my ex (who I was in a relationship with through the better part of my 20’s, almost 10 years total). In this entry I questioned if I was missing him because I wanted to be with him or because I missed the friendship dynamic we had before I entered into a relationship with my current boyfriend. I ultimately wrote that no, I did not want to be with him and I just missed our friendship dynamic – a dynamic that I backed away from when I entered into a monogamous relationship with my current boyfriend because I did not want to make him uncomfortable. I am torn on what to do. My boyfriend did confront me initially apologizing but he is still acting like I did something wrong. I tried to explain to him that it was a fleeting thought, I do not want to be with my ex, and it is normal to occasionally miss someone that you spent so much of your life with. Regardless, these were my private thoughts that I did not want him or anyone else seeing. Journaling is how I sort my thoughts and I really trusted him to not read my journal. I feel completely violated. Does this behavior warrant moving out? I’m still pretty upset so I’m not sure if I’m overreacting but I’m at a loss for what to do.
3 comments
Hey, so while I can totally understand why he’s hurt by what he read, the reality is that he crossed a boundary.
I think it’s something that might just take a little time until he’s ready to talk about it, and in that, you should also feel like you’re able to explain to him why you’re also hurt.
These things happen in relationships, you’ve just got to ask yourself if it’s one step too far, and if it has ruined things for it.
If you still want to be with your bf and work on things despite what has happened, that is ok and valid too! Check in with him in a few days and try to have another conversation, alternatively, couples therapy is always a good option!
I just believe that after what he read, he’s incredibly insecure, which is understandable. It’s your job as his partner to put back in that security. Do something to show him u don’t misd your ex
My wife has read my journal in the past, read private thoughts on our marriage and my feelings for an ex-GF. She came to me upset, but what could I do about it? She invaded my personal space and found out after fucking around. Serves them both right, I say.