HELP!
me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for almost a year now. despite being long distance, we usually see each other every 1-2 months.
i lost my virginity to him quite early in our relationship and sex has always been great. when we are apart, we still always managed to have a healthy sex life thru the phone.
he came to visit about a month ago and he didnt initiate sex once and was constantly saying no when i tried. this was weird considering it had been almost 2 months since we last saw each other. we talked about it and he said he just has a low libido now
i just tried to accept this but since then we havnt done anything sexual (over a month). i keep trying and he just says hes “not horny rn”. However, i know hes still jacking off and watching porn so i dont understand.
it makes me so feel so undersiable and gross. rn it feels like we have no sexual connection at all and when i bring it up he always either gets mad and says he “cant help his libido” or he says he stills finds me attractive and just isnt that horny anymore.
this is driving me mad, my needs arnt being met at all and he isnt even trying to fix it
please help, what do i do?
4 comments
I have a friend who spent years waiting for her partner to move into town (that was the plan for about 4 years) and he never did and when he was in town he was hardly ever in the mood. Finally she gave up and broke up w him and then he was really motivated to do whatever it takes to work things out after soooo many talks.
Sometimes people just want a relationship for a security blanket, sometimes they are depressed and won’t help themselves, sometimes they are just not very sexual people.
All you can do is decide what you can live with and, based on my and my friends and many many other people’s experiences (your situation is super common) all you can do is *try to* communicate and decide how long you’ll wait.
You can also check out r/deadbedrooms for some very long and in depth discussion of the topic and what kind of situation people find themselves in around this topic.
The vast majority of relationships don’t work out and usually it’s nobody’s fault, just some important ways people are incompatible (and as much as the culture tells you that sex is shallow and unimportant it is actually very important to lots of people, like having kids or financial security or emotional connection).
Yeah if he’s still watching porn then that’s the problem. He needs to get his shit together or else you’ll gonna leave him. Talk to him about how you miss this connection.
Your next BF most likely will not have this problem.
I wish my wife would want sex as much as you do Everytime I ask her she tells me no and I am a nympho with a 8in cock and as big around as the cardboard inside a TP roll