I have, for however long I’ve lived, had the same experience. People don’t like me when they first see me, they find me unapproachable and mean-looking. In my late twenties now, it’s become a problem. Of all the people around me, I am the biggest empath, the most helpful, the most selfless. I don’t mean to toot my own horn but this is for context, I really do not think of myself before others, it doesn’t come naturally to me. I’m more of an actions person, than a talker of talks, the giver of hugs. But no matter what, my actions never suffice or make up for that. Over the last year, i’ve seen friends choose other friends over me for this reason, men have left me and said “everything is great you’re just standoffish sometimes”. I don’t know how to work on this because everytime this happens I feel so betrayed by the lack of patience shown to me. I feel like “this is my one problem, why is the world so unforgiving about it?” Because I look over problems of those around me, All The Time. Why isn’t that offered to me? Because I don’t have the sweet words? I want to change this because I’ve realised if everyone finds it problematic it must be. I just can’t get myself to feel betrayed by the whole thing though. Does honesty, reliability, loyalty mean nothing in the face of “warmth”?
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It’s basically a communication issue. People don’t know what we’re thinking/feeling except as we’re able to COMMUNICATE our thoughts and feelings.
Not only that, words are accepted to an extent, but people instinctively look for those words to be backed up by body language and tone, things which communicate WARMTH. (or whatever else you want them to know)
One way I like to explain it is with dogs and cats. For the most part they don’t understand our words. (except for a few.)
So how do we communicate with pets? Pretty much with our expression of feeling/emotion. So we use a certain tone, which is usually matched with body language and often touch.
That’s generally the ONLY way to get our feelings across to pets.
Well, people work pretty much the same way. They will HEAR your words and consider them, but they’ll BELIEVE your body language/tone. It’s just instinctive.
So if you’re able to do this with a dog, cat or other pet (I don’t know if you have one, or have access to one), you should theoretically be able to do the same with people. It’s a matter of adapting that and learning to do the very same thing with people.