So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months. We have a rocky relationship, but we’re constantly working on ourselves and improving it. I have no doubts that my boyfriend loves me. He says I’m the first to love him for him, always being there for him when he needs me, etc. I have no doubts that he loves me. I on the other hand never had a relationship before him. He is my first in everything. I had and still have no clue how to navigate a relationship, but I’m trying my hardest to learn. Ngl, I know too much about his recent ex and his relationship which hurt me in many ways. I know that she was his first sexual experience, that they went out in dates and whatnot. I’ve recently communicated that I wanted to go on dates too because we normally just hang out in his car and hearing the experiences he had with his ex made me feel bad because I haven’t really gotten that. Now, I made a friend at work. This friend at work has made me feel like myself. For context, I moved across the country when I was 14 years old. Since then, I never felt like myself. I lost all my friends and I thought I had lost my true self too, until I started hanging out with him at work. My craziness and quirkiness came out with him. My true self came back. But the thing is, I don’t want anything with him. I don’t want to marry him or have a relationship with him. But at the same time, I wish I felt like that with my boyfriend. I wish I could feel like myself with my boyfriend. So my question to you guys is, how to I feel like myself with my boyfriend? How can I feel like myself with him when I don’t even know how to do that? Am I just never going to feel myself with him?
1 comment
These are one of those things you can’t really force, it’s one of those “it is what it is” type of things. If he was right for you, you would begin to feel comfortable being yourself at some point in the relationship, but since you’re not comfortable yet (I’m not sure how long you’ve been together but if it’s been 6+ months), he may not be the right one for you. You can force relationship chemistry with just anyone, it has to naturally work in some way, you need to naturally feel that love, admiration, and devotion to your partner. It’s not going to be sunshine, butterflies and happiness 100% of the time with your partner, but it should be at least most of the time. You can’t even see a future with him, and I couldn’t imagine tying myself down to someone I can’t be myself around, it’s like willingly putting a ball and chain around my ankle, I’ll just be better off alone where I can be comfortable being myself.
If you do want to still try to make it work, then just start revealing more of your true self to him little by little, dont think about and hesitate, just be yourself. If he responds well to it, then the relationship has a chance, however if he doesn’t, you need to leave him because you’re not compatible and find someone who is. I wish you the best of luck