I keep running into this issue with my significant other where in conversation there are things that I hear them clearly say and when we address it, it’s always, I never said that. My partner makes me feel like I’m crazy and making things up, which really I don’t have time for that. I hear things that he says that offends me, but he somehow has never said it.
It always ends in an argument because we both have different versions of how the conversation went. I’m sure I’ve also offended him by how a conversation went due to misunderstanding. It’s hard to review a conversation if we have two completely different versions of what was said. At this point, I don’t have any other solution than having to record our conversation but that’s ridiculous. So what do I do? Am I really imagining what he’s saying or does he really just forget what he says sometimes? How do I reach a middle ground?
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I use to have this with my ex as well! We would hear things the other person denies saying and it would cause huge conflict because we both don’t apologise for it because we’re sure we didn’t say it. There’s always 2 truths in a conversation, yours and theirs and there is no way you can convince the other person of a different reality to how they think they experienced it. The way we tried to get around it was that we would get rid of our pride when we could and put the relationship at the forefront. If they thought I said something that was hurtful, I would apologise for it first even if I didn’t say it, because it didn’t cost me anything. Then when the situation calmed down we would discuss. It’s better to defuse the situation before a discussion because then both parties are more open to communication.
Well hopefully minimizing the amount of arguments is the main goal. However often people will react to how a statement makes them feel as opposed to what was said or intended. So asking and expecting for a clarification of what was said is a good way
This is called gaslighting.
Worst case scenario, your partner is gaslighting; best case scenario, you guys don’t communicate well. I personally wouldn’t be able to stand being with someone who made me feel crazy, but if you want to improve communication, you may want to try couple’s counseling.