I have no trouble talking to people and getting them to like me. I am unapologetically myself and non judgemental, and that draws people to me. I often get directly told that I am a good listener, chill person, funny, and other compliments. Every time I meet new people we immediately get along, but then the same pattern happens over and over.
They like me a lot.
We get close.
I start feeling uncomfortable with being close to them.
I start being cold and pulling back the qualities that made them like me in the first place.
They get mad at me and stop talking to me.
Sometimes we go back to being friends, but mostly that’s the end.
This has happened so many times and I now I just know it will happen whenever I meet someone new. I have no idea how to maintain long term friendships/relationships.
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Im sorry. Sometimes people who like you are nervous and dont want to do anything stupid. Thats how I am with a woman I like at work. Its not her. I just dont want to do anything dumb.
Do you have a fear of commitment by any chance?
>I start being cold and pulling back the qualities that made them like me in the first place. They get mad at me and stop talking to me
on one hand, the presentation of yourself in society doesn’t include enough of the real you that has this insecurity. this insecurity could possibly seem incongruent to your presented self, and may confuse ppl and their idea of you.
on the other hand, the relationships you’ve been choosing to nurture are with ppl who dont appreciate you for you, where having this insecurity doesnt conflict with their overall view of you.
theres a lot of ppl out there all with own personal system of what they value of the company they wanna keep, fair or unfair.
regardless, i think it would be beneficial to get to the root of why you get cold and pull back if this is a consistent pattern.
This is me.
Good with people, charming at times, can end up having deep conversations at parties with strangers. But I suck at maintaining friendships. Kinda like being alone and be a hermit.
Yes. It’s me, though. In the beginning, I’m down to spend time and nurture that friendship. However, when I start to see those toxic patterns developing, I start distancing. Eventually, I think people see me as maybe pretentious or stuck up when, honestly, I’m just protecting my peace.
I feel similarly. I’m great at making acquaintances, but struggle with making them a friend.
what are you afraid of people learning about you?
YES. HARD YES.
Holy shit, wild to see something I relate to so hard.
When I have the energy I can be charming and connect with people, but that battery runs out. Then I get scared people won’t like the me that’s just tired and getting through a day. And a lot of people really do just want that more charming version. So they drain my battery hard, which makes me avoid them more. Longterm friendship can seem really freaking daunting when it feels like its pulling the energy out of me.
I’m a people pleaser. I come off delicate and friendly. I’m
Always smiling and have a natural high pitched tone.
People say I’m peachy and wholesome
That’s what I portray.
But when they want to get to know me I dislike it. I don’t have the best childhood. Or good relationship with my family. I can be very sarcastic and snarky. I have a dark sense of humor that is inappropriate. I can be a brat and a smart ass.
I’m not what a portray. It can be a turn off to some. I always catch ppl off guard. I always get told, that they didn’t expect me to be the way that I am.
I can relate to parts of this. I DO have a few friends, literally a few not a whole lot. But before I found what I did for work mentally exhausted me plus it’s very people-orientated. I DID meet up with one friend but with the other & his friend, they often wanted to go out Friday nights & I’d be too tired from work. So I turned a lot down. And they stopped asking But also I wouldn’t initiate things with the other one. I really want to change these things. I have another issue or two in the way but basically yeah I’ve been a crappy friend.