Context:
I started dating someone exclusively some weeks back. We started out with very consistent daily text updates from Day 1 even when he’s travelling. Up until his workload started to increase, then his messages started to dwindle. In his words, work has gotten ‘gnarly’ and it will continue to escalate for the next few months.
We agreed that if I like to hear from him, we can call, because he is already besieged by work pings, so calling would be less stressful for him.
We had a call already 3 nights ago on Monday night, and had discussed that we’ll spend Sat & Sun together. I do miss hearing from him in between. Our usual banter has stopped as the last text from him was 2 days ago, just 1 about him opening a redbull to pull through the day.
I don’t want to be bugging him either for a call each night as I know his work meetings can go past 10pm.
So I’m crowdsourcing for ideas to the men of reddit who’s dating someone, how would you like to be texted if you are clocking in 11-12 hours of work daily? Not texting is an option too, but if I want to send something nice, what can I do?
19 comments
Tell him how you are going to treat him this weekend after all his hard work and help him destress. May sound icky to you. But it’s that easy
Just text don’t over think it
So the most important thing i think is that it is ok to text but not every day. Try and find out his most peaceful day and then send him something nice or funny.
Don’t spam him on that day ofcourse but a nice and small fun talk can be welcoming.
I don’t. The only thing I want to be texted about is information I need to know about within a short timeframe (like location or time of meeting, if you are late, what to get for dinner and similar).
I used to work 60 hour weeks.
Brief morning texts are good. “Thinking about you. Have a great day. I’m looking forward to (the next thing you’re doing together.)”
Also offer an after dinner / evening text. Expect a no.
“Want to chat for a couple minutes? Vent about your day? Let me taking your mind off of things?”
You can text him if you want, as long as you’re not feeling a way cuz he isn’t responding, specially when you know he’s busy. Texting him even when he’s busy, but not necessarily bugging him and blowing his phone up, lets him know that you’re interested in him, but you also understand what he has going on, if that makes sense
No questions, maybe a hilarious meme or a cute selfie (nothing nakey because my colleagues might see and what am I gonna do suddenly horny at work).
Mostly we text each other memes and what we are eating/ have eaten/ want to eat
“Good luck at work, I’ll suck you dry when you’re done”
Im a bit weird. I don’t want to be texted generally, maybe just a “❤️” is sufficient, shows that you’re thinking of me. I’ll send that or something similar in the opposite direction too once a day or less.
If you know I’m slammed at work don’t text me. We don’t need to speak every day, or at very least it can wait till after work
>Do not make posts asking about someone’s/some group’s actions, behavior, or thinking. We’re not fucking psychic. Go fucking ask them yourself.
> So I’m crowdsourcing for ideas to the men of reddit who’s dating someone, how would you like to be texted if you are clocking in 11-12 hours of work daily?
Honestly? You don’t need the opinion of dozens or hundreds of random men, you need the opinion of one specific man. And you have his number.
Ask him. ‘Hey, I was wondering, when you’re slammed at work, how would you like me to communicate with you?’
The answer to all of your questions is available – direct communication and asking him is far more useful, and shows him you care what he thinks, not a random selection of strangers, and is the pathway.
The three most important things in any relationship are communication, communication, communication.
Haha, my wife likes to full on FaceTime me while working. She works from home and we both have “desk jobs.” Still like every time she calls, I’m on the phone with someone. Like babe, I’ll call you back. Lol
Send nudes or text me later. I’m busy
Also some love & encouragement I guess, if you’re into that kinda thing.
Each guy is different tbh, thats obvious to you but what i mean by this you have to figure out what kind of guy he is, for example i wouldnt mind getting lets say “good morning” texts and “how was work” texts every day, but some guys may find it annoying if it happens a lot, not many guy, so try it out and see how he feels about it.
You can also ask him to make time to talk to you more during weekdays, but you have to be patient with him, during long hour shift works a lot can happen, he may get stressed, mad or more.
So in case he didnt send you something or said something he shouldnt, its probably because of his work load and not because of you.
That is the hard part, and make sure you both get to find a way to talk, that fits both of you, him in his time and liking, You in your liking and what fits you best.
Communication is key, and understanding each other position too.
Best of luck!
I work in consulting so my schedule is often 3-4 weeks at a time of 50-60+ hours and then a week or two where I’m basically doing nothing. During the busy weeks I prefer to mostly be left alone, but the occasional “Good morning” or “Can’t wait to see you later” is fine as long as it’s clear you’re not hoping I carry on a conversation right now. My current gf is great about this and appreciative of the fact that I’m working this hard now so that when we start a family in a couple of years she doesn’t have to work at all.
From my wife
“Still breathing?”
“Are you dead yet?”
“Are the taxes taxed?”
“<3”
Not being a weirdo but if she knows I am busy
Selfies
Naughty pics
Just supportive stuff
I don’t mind texts (they’re nice more than anything), but it can sometimes take a day or two to actually have the mental capacity to open a text and think about it. Especially when busy and you don’t want to derail your “work brain”.
So as long as you can handle a conversation that spreads out across multiple days and gets paused, that’s a good approach