Hi all, happy holidays. So I (28M) started dating my gf (27f) almost 2.5 years ago, and we moved in together at the start of this year. She stressed a few things to me in the beginning of the relationship that she would not change on. Things like that she is a home body, enjoys being a plus size, and not a Type A personality.
She shared that it’s just the way she is, and it was a solid conversation. I am a very type A person and love physical activity. Buy I figured “what the hell” love is blind and this girl is dope. She is funny, sweet, smart, and the like. However, as the days go on I am becoming less and less interested in her.
Her being home all the time really makes me feel cramped. Her smacking of the food is never-ending. She does not enjoy working out. She only wears sweat pants or yoga pants and we rarely get dressed up for dates. Now the thing is I thought I could look past these things.
We talked about most these things (except her weight, that’s not my place to talk about) and there were some very upset feelings. I mean she was straight up in the beginning and I really thought these things wouldn’t matter in the long run but I am pushing sex off due to this lack of physical attraction and things are becoming more awkward.
I’m feeling really bad for entering this relationship but felt that it’d have been shallow otherwise since she is such an amazing person. It almost feels like a catch 22, but I’m finding it really hard to look past certain things. What the hell do I do? Am I now the jerk?
3 comments
You’re not a jerk for wanting those things, you’re a jerk for trying to change her when she literally told she is not going to change. What’s the point in having those discussions?
Not amount of conversations, therapy, arguments are going to fix that so you have two options: either live with it and be unhappy or end the relationship and find someone more compatible with your lifestyle.
You guys aren’t compatible that’s all it is.
I don’t think you’re a jerk, but I do think you need to decide if these are deal breakers for you. Her being upfront then and now about these being areas she’s not interested in changing means you need to either fully accept them (not just tolerate, as that’s what got you into this situation) and move forward with her, or realize that you cannot see yourself being happy long term because of these attributes and end it. Don’t drag this out if the reality is they are deal breakers but you can’t bring yourself to end it, as that’s entirely unfair to her. Let both you and her be with people who accept you for who you are. It’s okay to end things.