I have always drawn people in when I meet them and get along with people well, but as soon as I start feeling close with someone I talk and talk and then realize as soon as I annoy them that I dragged on way too long. I’ve been doing it for so many years and I don’t know how to stop. I just get happy that I have bonded more with someone and want to start sharing more about myself. I’ve been told by people I’m very sociable, but this one trait holds me back and makes me feel so bad whenever I catch myself talking for minutes and minutes straight.
Any tips?
3 comments
I had this problem too. Trying to solve it made me super self conscious and shut me in socially. Eventually I’ve learned to open up and that the right people will appreciate my gift and want I want to say, not shut me out. This is why as we get older we have fewer, yet closer friends. Be you, and the rest will follow.
Maybe it isn’t you who is the problem. Maybe it is those people that feel insecure about themselves having so little to say.
But it certainly does help to make pauses while you speak so others have a chance to say something as well.
If they don’t – well, it isn’t really your problem. Look for other people. Open yourself up to more broad social groups – don’t be afraid to reach out to older people. Or those that have a different outlook on life than you and the people you want to associate with. You desire an exchange of ideas and thoughts. The people you have chosen to talk with so far do not share this desire.
Your interests matter. Other people’s needs matter, too. It’s just that you are not compatible with each other. That’s fine.
Why do you feel you need to share so much about yourself? What about them? Do you give them space to open up about themselves? Everyone enjoys the company of someone who genuinely wants to listen and understand. It’s not bonding if you’re the doing the all the talking.