For the last year I (M18) have become close with a girl (F16), she is two years younger then me and is part of a friend group. We have similar extracurricular classes which means I see her often even though we are different ages.
While I see her as a good friend, as the year progressed in a way I have see her as a younger sister, I feel I would do anything for her and I would do anything to protect her (even though she is a very stubborn and hardworking girl who is very confident in herself and doesn’t want help when sometimes she needs it). I also happen to be very good friends with her brother who is the same age as me.
Unfortunately these ideas have messed me with me, at certain points it’s given me depression, anxiety, and jealousy. For I strive to be close to her seeing her as a younger sister and because of this some situations which I feel she will not give me attention or give it to someone far more who puts in less effort is frustrating? It really is an indescribable feeling.
I’ve been dealing with this relationship issue for a while now, and I haven’t done much about it.. but I now call for help. How do I make it to where I can feel better with my relationship with this girl? I want to make it aware that I have zero romantic feelings for this girl. I don’t need help right now saying I need to be honest with her or etc. I need genuine replies with the main issue which I’m looking to fix which is..
*How do I either detach myself from this girl so I don’t feel certain emotions or how do I fix it so it feels less forced since she does not seem to want to be as close to me as I strive to want to be close to her*
Thank you for any help
TL;DR: I feel depressed/jealous bc I see friend as younger sister and I want to be close, while she doesn’t “seem” to want to as much
4 comments
I would spend less time with her. Don’t communicate outside of class business. Seek out other friends more and make more new friends.
It’s good that you’ve realized that this relationship (whatever it is) isn’t really healthy for you. You need space and time for the feelings to subside, which will either allow you to be friends without these difficult feelings, or you’ll just move on to other friends anyways.
You seem to want to own her, that’s unhealthy. A 16yr old girl typically doesn’t look to her big brother most of the time so if that’s how you see yourself, back away more.
This isn’t a great dynamic.
Friends are peers. Equals.
A “younger sibling” is much more in the line of mentorship – like a boss without responsibilities.
And even if you seeing your friend as a younger sibling were totally healthy, ***that would not be accompanied by feelings of depression, anxiety and jealousy*** when she doesn’t give you this attention that you think is owed to you.
Please back off from this kid before your feelings become more extreme and possibly lead to actions that anyone will regret. And talk to someone. A school counselor, trusted teacher, parent … therapist perhaps, because this kind of attachment mentality is not good for anyone.
She has an older bro and it’s not you