Basically the title. And this isn’t a situation in which the other people are friends and I’m a stranger or anything. Like if it’s a group of people who barely know each other, like other people can say way dirtier jokes than me and nobody cares but if I make one, while some people will still find it funny some others get weirded out. This happens in my close friend group where we’ve all known each other for years too, like some people get uncomfy if I make sex jokes sometimes but don’t if the other friends in the group make them. What are possible reasons for this?
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What’s an example of this
I’d assume that the disconnect is in the delivery of the joke?
Why do you feel compelled to make sex jokes should be the first question you try to answer.
If it’s people who know you already, it could be that they already have a perceived image of you and by making sex jokes it could go against that image and make them uncomfortable as a result.
This could be for a gazillion different possible reasons.
Maybe you’re trying to make sex jokes all the time or maybe you’re hitting on friends in your group all the time and then it doesn’t feel like a joke at all. Maybe you’re directing the jokes at other people in a way that makes them uncomfortable. Sex jokes when said too much just aren’t jokes any more and instead you’re just showing people you’re a pervert. If this has happened enough times that you notice how people react often, it’s probably happened too many times and this isn’t a group where you should make those jokes. If I said one sex joke in front of a friend group that didn’t land I’d not do those any more
Possible reasons? Many.
First would be that the other people making the jokes are making milder jokes than you, or are in a different setting where those jokes are more appropriate.
Or are funnier about the jokes they make and so get a longer leash, or they’re reading the room better.
Or are the same gender as the laughers- this kind of comedy can feel more comfortable in heterogeneous social settings. Or are closer friends to the laughers than you and therefore the foundation of trust makes them more comfortable.
It could be you have something about you that makes the jokes come off worse, ie you’ve hit on someone at the table before.
It could be your jokes are accidentally meaner in spirit than theirs, or more graphic than theirs.
It could be that you’re picking the wrong target; sexual jokes about you are one thing, about the friend sitting next to you is one thing, about a celebrity are another, about all women, or gays, or people from Florida: all are all going to land different in different rooms.
It could even be that they don’t like sexual humour period but the person making the jokes is enough of a bully/purely holds enough clout that they feel they must laugh.
If you can’t figure out the nuance then your best bet is not to make sex jokes. It requires an extremely light touch to do well, and it’s easy to make gross if you get it wrong.
It’s often about the subtlety in delivery. I got the exact same problem. I once made a sex joke and everybody was uncomfortable. Other guy joined the conversation and made the exact same joke, but worded differently and it killed. It annoyed me greatly, but where I just blurted out the sexual point, he made a subtle reference. Much more elegant. Like me you’re probably just sorta bad at it. With sexual jokes there’s a fine line between lol and ew
Give us an example of a sex joke that made them uncomfortable
Do you have a very young face? This happens to me.
This is also an example of pretty privilege too btw OP.
Could just be ugly too
I’ve got a friend who’s in a similar position as you, where his jokes just don’t land as well in the group. I think a big part of it in his case is that he tends to take jokes way too far and way too graphic. As an example. We’re a group of 6 all in relationships. And once all the guys were trying on shoes and I noticed how that despite my partner being the shortest, he had the biggest shoe size. So I made a little joke being like “you know what they say about big feet” and I gave him a little wink. But then our other friend looked up and he was like “I will drop my pants and show you my dick right now!” Like dude…. please don’t. Or if someone accidentally says something sexual. He will run to his wife and start emulating that thing with her in front of us. Like no dude. That’s too fucking far.
r/LookinGoodSusan
Probably because you’re looked at differently than the others. Sounds like they expect certain behaviors from others whereas you making sexual jokes and weirding out the others could mean they don’t expect it from you at all.