I haven’t made a decision about my marriage yet but I feel like I know deep down what I need to happen. Me and my husband have been through some sexual things that really screwed up our marriage. He wanted me to talk to people and eventually have a threesome. It was Years of him trying to convince me and me saying I wasn’t really comfortable. On our ten year anniversary he suggested we download the bumble app so I could talk to women and men. He talked to some people too. But the main thing is he got turned on by me talking to people. After we went through this thing I lost feelings for him. he tried to control me by saying what we did was bad that we needed to repent and wanted me to go to church, join a Bible study, wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to be wearing low cut shirts. Started checking our phone bill and being extra controlling trying to fix the situation. He’s calmed down and stopped being controlling. But after everything that’s happened I can’t even bring myself to want to fix this. But I feel guilt from him now being so nice to me and me still wanting out.
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Oh my goodness, so many issues to sort through and unpack. Your husband‘s sexual coercion, then subsequent change of heart. Your trauma and feelings of loss of attraction. Feeling done yet wanting to honor your marriage…
I’m a strong advocate for counseling, but especially so in your case. You said you don’t know that you want to fix the marriage But It sounds like you have so many things to sort out and unpack for yourself. And then regarding your marriage, do you or don’t you forgive? Is your husband’s new found faith compatible with your values?
Yes, I would honestly suggest you don’t necessarily throw in the towel just yet, but take a step back and give yourself a chance to breathe and process everything. Obviously, only you know if you’re up for that, but just some food for thought.