I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I get patronized, interrupted and people generally assume I don’t know how to take care of myself, what’s going on, or how to make decisions for myself.
My parents do this, some acquaintances do this and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. No one else seems to have people constantly on them the way they have been with me. I remember my mom didn’t think that I was smart enough to pursue an engineering degree growing up, and it wasn’t until I graduated with one and started a PhD (in my second year) that she and my father started to treat me like more of a normal person.
I used to think people were so much better and smarter than me with the way I was treated growing up, and I became extremely angry when I realized people screw up just as much as me, if not more, and that I actually wasn’t stupid after all.
I know there is something wrong with me. This isn’t as simple as finding another group when I already have no one. Everyone sees me this way and I can’t figure out why. I don’t even have to say anything to be treated this way. How is this possible? I can’t keep living like this.
7 comments
There’s not really enough information to say anything for sure.
But it sounds like the people you surround yourself with are toxic.
Even if you were stupid you don’t deserve to be patronized, interrupted, and should be given the opportunity to take care of yourself.
Is it possible that you’re polite/nice and shy? I’ve seen people treat very nice people like kids because they assume they that nice because they don’t know better, like a puppy.
People assume smart or kind people are dumb because some dont speak all the time.
We won’t be able to answer that question. We don’t know you, you’ll have to talk with your family and friends, so you can get an actual answer.
But, so you don’t go with a empty hands, some reason people may behave like that: 1) is for the way you express yourself (this includes from your tone of voice, up until the way you talk, and even the way you dress). 2) you have a long history of doing not good decisions, 3) they have only seen you behave like an “stupid”, so it’s hard for them to see you in another way.
Im guessing it’s because your parents were condescending to you and treated you like you were inferior. You grew up normalizing this and feeling that everyone else will look at you that way. This probably causes you to act with leas confidence around others.
It’s not that you *think* you’re not capable – you may actually think pretty well of yourself now. But you *subconsciously believe* that no one else will see it.
You probably subconsciously act hesitant or quiet about your decisions because you are so used to your parents dismissing or ignoring any signs of intelligence or independence that you displayed.
To change this, you need to make a conscious effort to not only feel confident but ACT and SOUND more confident. When people act this way toward you, pick your chin up and speak in a louder voice. Speak decisively in short simple phrases. State your decisions firmly. Stop people if they talk down to you or ignore you, and repeat what you just said in a firmer tone. After a while it will become second nature.
Just be confident, can’t go wrong with that
Here’s the thing about parents. You are still a child to them even if you are 80. Cue my 87 years old grandma telling my 60 years old dad how to do basic stuff that he knows better than her.
Another thing is that age gap (and experience gap) can have an effect on perception. A 25 years old will look like an adult for a 15 years old, while the same 25 years old will look like a child to a 50 years old.