Men who are 50+ ,what advice do you wish to pass on to younger men ?

40 comments

  2. I’m 40, but I think I can help.

    * It’s pointless to waste time complaining about women’s standards. Spend the time you’d spend complaining about them, working to build yourself into someone who meets them.
    * A woman’s rejection rate is a far better measure of…whatever… than her body count is. A woman who gets propositioned 20 times a week, but only says ‘yes’ to 4 of them, is more worth keeping around than one who gets propositioned 10 times a week and says yes to 4.
    * If a woman really wants you in her life badly enough, she’ll let you know. If she’s not reaching out to you first some of the time, or not coming up with reasons/excuses to message you/be in your presence, she’s not into you.

  3. You don’t find masculinity. Whatever it is, you’ve been doing it. Good or bad. Toxic or righteous.

  5. Get in shape and stay in shape. You’ll be happier, healthier, wiser and probably wealthier.

  6. ​

    * You’re going to make mistakes, it’s okay. Forgive yourself, learn from them and move on
    * The only person you need to make happy is yourself
    * Put money aside weekly. Compound interest and investing your monies will help when older
    * It’s okay to say no
    * Find out what’s important to you and use that as your guidepost
    * You don’t need to give your opinion on everything, just as you don’t need to listen to everyone’s opinions

  7. Who you choose as a spouse will dictate your mental health, financial health and marital happiness.

  8. Firstly, nobody in this world will ever put you first except for possibly your parents. Put your wants, needs, yourself first in your life.

    Secondly, do not put so much importance on other people’s attitudes, opinions about you. The only opinion that is truly important to you is yours.

    Thirdly, do not try so hard to get with a woman, if she is into you, she will want you as much or more than you want her, and if she is not into you, she is not worth your time. Failure to score with a girl is not a failure on your part but hers move onto one who is deserving of you.

  9. Take care of yourself, physically and mentally. Don’t for a minute think you have all the time in the world or one day you will be bemoaning your lack of time.

  10. Most of us spend an awful lot of our youth worried about what complete strangers think of us. It’s wasted energy, and nothing matters less. The people in your family and close friends are who matter. And the people who are basically NPCs in our life are far more concerned with what you think of them than the other way around. Learning what is worth putting time and energy into is probably the main thing I would go back and change in my own life.

    And take care of your body. It’s the only one you get and you’re going to have it for a long time.

  11. Fitness begins in the kitchen.

    No marketing. Don’t. Choose a career that is core to the business, not adjacent to it.

  15. * Don’t take it all so personally.
    * See more things outside of your home. If you’ve been somewhere once, don’t go back until you’ve been a lot of other places (not just vacations or large scale trips, I mean walk the other side of the road, go to the other park in town, the little things count)
    * Let someone else pick out your “nicest” clothes. You can pick out the day-to-day clothes, but if you have a Sunday outfit or something for a wedding or funeral, make sure someone else has the majority input.
    * Move away from your home town. Live somewhere else for at least a few years.

  17. Lay off the booze and drugs. Eat as healthy as you can. Cardio and weights, but don’t overdo it…life’s a marathon. Your mental health is as important as your physical health, so give yourself some head space too.

    Don’t stay in a job where you get anxiety on Sunday nights. Call out sexist and misogynistic behaviour, it’s not funny or cool.

    Find a partner that rocks the boxes. Don’t rush into having kids, and reflect on your own parents and upbringing to see how good of a parent you’ll be. You can break free from a shitty upbringing.

    Look at the stars. Sing the song. Kiss the girl. Smoke the cigar.

  18. I’m in my 40s, but I’ll chime in.

    Take care of your body.

    * Exercise. Even if you just walk for 30 minutes a day, it makes a huge difference in the long term if you are consistant.
    * Eat, drink, and drug in moderation. The physical (and financial) effects of overindulgence are cumulative in the long term.
    * Wear earplugs when you’re at shows ffs. I have tinnitus thanks to my 20s. Don’t risk it.
    * Protect your eyes and skin from the sun. Have you ever looked at how cataract surgery is performed? Avoid it.

    Get hobbies and excel at them.

    * They are a superior form of entertainment compared to mindless TV and video games.
    * They are good for networking and for finding friends with shared interests.
    * Being good at something interesting is attactive to potential partners.

  19. Take time to be intentional. At 55i realize I have spent the last majority of my life pinballing my way through. Some of that is inevitable but my results seem to improve when I stop time to time and make a plan. Perhaps I’m in the minority and other people keep out a course and do their best to stick to it. I grew up without any real adult guidance, divorced parents, pregnant girlfriend way too young, 2 combat tours before I could buy a beer in the States. Before I knew it I was a father of the daughters, twice divorced, no college degree and working labor type jobs without an end in sight.

    I stopped for a few days frantically bouncing from one crisis to another and just took stock of myself. Who I was, who I wanted to be, what kind of work would facilitate that type of me. It was clumsy at first like learning to drive, lots of over correction. I decided on an Information technology career with zero experience or education. I was tired of bleeding at the end of the day risking some physical injury that would preclude me earning an income. I educated myself. It really isn’t difficult. I had to make time every day to learn a thing I would need. I landed my first IT job entry level answering phones and triaging tickets for more experienced techs. I paid attention. I developed relationships with those that knew what I needed to learn. I faked it until I made it. My peak was as a systems engineer for a security company. Made a decent living at that point. Then I realized I didn’t want to do it anymore. So I went back to the drawing board. Who was I, what did I want, what filled me with joy. After 26 years of IIT, i had also taught myself how to blacksmith. Coal forge, big anvil, all hand tools that kind of thing. It is work that fills me with joy. So I started a small business that failed initially, I pivoted to welding, taught myself how to be a half decent stick welder and that is where I am now. No great success story if the metric is dollars. But I found my passion. One I will continue to work toward with intention. Maybe one day I will find fiscal success too. For now I am content making beautiful things with my hands as often as I can. I didn’t have college money, a supportive family that inspired my direction. I had to develope that on my own. I learned the hard way but I keep at it every day trying to find my joy. I wish you all great success on your journey.

  20. Take care of your-

    Just kidding. Live your life. Be good to people. No one makes it out alive.

  21. 64M here

    Your choice of spouse is the most important thing you will do. Be very VERY careful.

    Try not to buy stuff, to the extent possible. Buy a used car.

    Put money into savings, preferably the stock market, regularly, until it hurts. Even if just $5 a week, get in the habit early.

    Warren Buffett pointed out recently that $1 in the broad stock market in 1942, when he started, is now about $6300 with dividends.

  23. Seek and cultivate wisdom. Wisdom is about knowing what is the best course of action and doing it as best as you can. Knowing that sometimes when you are right it is wiser to stay quiet. Not always doing things for money yet knowing how to handle it. To value all the things that cannot be bought with money, especially quality time with the right people, even if no one is saying anything.

    At some level we all know what I’m talking about. It is much harder to live it daily. It requires discipline and hard work. Start now and you may get there. I’m certainly not there. My realization that I was pursuing stupid things came up only about 6 years ago, some months after my father died. I’m in my late 50s

  24. Live fast, take risks, work hard at what you do.

    Enjoy life. Have fun. Don’t get bogged down by stupid shit.

    Enjoy your own stupid shit. Laugh about it.

    Find a partner. You may need to find a new one every now and then.

    Your life only lasts a few years, maybe 90, maybe 30.

    Make peace with your regrets.

    Be nice to the check-out lady and the janitor.

    I could go on…but I won’t. I have shit to do.

  25. Start saving for retirement NOW.

    I know it seems ridiculous, but you will benefit greatly from compounding interest.

  26. Pull your head out of your ass and get serious. But you can’t because you are young. So do this instead…when you get together with someone older, like your grandmother, ask her what you should do, then shut up and listen. Then ask someone else the same question, and don’t forget to shut your cakehole and receive the advice. Compile all the answers and pick your best course of action.

  27. I’m mid 40’s but I have to say, learn about the art of self awareness.

    It will change your life.

  29. Save save save your money, investing or other avenues. Find a good career and stick with it. Life doesn’t get easier when you get older. I can attest to that.

  30. Find a sport you like, and practice.

    Try to dress a bit better than you would, it’s good for your mental.

    Don’t try to forcefully monetize your passions.

    Interesting women are attracted by drive. Have plans, act on them : it will do wonders.

    Pay attention to what you pay attention to. Adjust course accordingly.

    Grudge is a poison you drink waiting for your grudge subject to die.

    Keep some fuck you money on hand. Put yourself in a position where quitting is always an option.

    Travel some. Wonder some. Taste some. Make mistakes, it make great stories.

  31. Learn about finances and how to make your money work for you .

    Invest – regularly if you can – even a minimum amount.

    Figure out what makes you happy before you try to make and keep someone else happy .

    Get your motorbike licence.

    Never turn down an opportunity to learn something new, especially at work .You never know when it may pay off or work in your favour.

    Travel .

  32. Do not settle for loving relationships that are less than you need for your happiness, and do not try to force a relationship upon someone who wants or needs something you cannot or will not provide.

    There is someone out there who can and will be the partner you want and need, and for whom you can and will do the same.

  35. Stop giving a shit about everything that doesn’t directly touch or impact your daily life.
    Nobody cares about where you are in your life or how “far you’ve gotten” and neither should you. Everyone you know will forget you 30min after the funeral, so stop living by someone else values.

    You’re gonna die and you don’t know when so start living YOUR life and don’t look back.

  37. Always back your partner, never takes sides against them in public. You are a team and you work together.

    Always support your partner and push them to achieve THEIR goals.

    If the advice above is not working then remember relationships are supposed to be fun and rewarding, if it isn’t then don’t waste your life in an unhappy marriage.

  38. 1. Once you are an adult you are just as responsible for the relationship with your parents as they are. If you want more, put in the work, they aren’t suddenly going to change.
    2. Say the things you have to say & do the things you have to do *now.* It’s easy to wait, but soon enough it’s too late & you are stuck with the regret of what was left undone weighing on you until *you* pass.
    3. Grief is like a hole in your heart that does not heal & nothing can fill, *but* if you embrace life & love that hole will become a smaller & smaller part of who you are in total.
    4. The good things you do are more important than the bad things you don’t.
    5. Open up an IRA even if you only put in a dollar a check. It’s amazing how much of a difference a few years head start makes, get started **now** & hit the ground running. When it’s time to buy a house or something expensive you can pull out the principle without penalty & leave all the profits to keep profiting.
    6. Read The Only Investment Guide You’ll Ever Need. by Andrew Tobias. All this financial stuff may *seem* complicated, but once you understand it, it’s child’s play. After an afternoon of reading you’ll be able to write everything a person actually needs to know on a 3×5″ index card (if you can find one). There is no real reason to dread or wonder it’s *amazingly* simple, but keep in mind a lot of adults didn’t bother reading & will give terrible advice that costs you 10’s or hundreds of thousands of dollars. Anyone who makes it sound complicated or hard is selling you something
    7. Let women be the one to decide you aren’t good enough, you are. You just need the ones who can see it, Failing that a lot of women have terrible taste so find them.
    8. The number of young people having sex has plummeted in the past decade. Practice safe sex (at minimum use condoms until you are in a monogamous relationship with a plan) & fuck anyone who can get your dick hard regardless of body type or looks. There are so many opportunities I regret passing up because they were not my type… before I gave them a shot & discovered they are *also* my type. Even if not my ultimate perfect best type ever they were still fucking awesome. Don’t let your standards decide, don’t let your mind decide, let your dick decide because it knows best. Follow your wiener. An abundance of experience allows you to make the best most informed decisions when it’s time to settle down *and* you get laid in the meantime. TLDR touch gr**ass**. If you go in the back door use your finger to ring the bell, if a finger pokes back don’t enter. Lube is important, but if you want smooth sailing make your partner come before you enter.
    9. Figure out who deserves your respect & what you value in other people, then use that information to do things you will be proud of.
    10. Invest in relationships with healthy people, not just cool people, sexy people, fun people etc. Relationships of all types with healthy people are a goldmine.
    11. Willpower is a limited resource that cannot be replenished by determination or stubbornness. Figure out what (and who) drains your willpower (fear, anxiety, dread, shame, insecurity) & figure out what renews it (meeting goals, doing things you can be proud of, being around healthy people & doing healthy things)
    12. Helping others is a good way to help yourself. Have problems & don’t know what to do? Volunteer, you’ll learn more about those problems & how to fix them while doing something you can respect.
    13. Make a literal physical list of things you have done which you respect, value, or can be proud of. When you are feeling insecure or unworthy read through that list. If it doesn’t work add more to the list until it does.
    14. Sign a prenup while you still love each other & want the best for each other, don’t decide after hearts have been broken & people want revenge. Brides and Grooms both deserve an unambiguous prenup without any uncertainty, if you can’t manage that conversation you shouldn’t get married.

    ​

    Finally

    * Meaningful work
    * place in community
    * gratifying hobbies
    * healthy platonic and romantic relationships
    * exercise & diet

    Are all protective factors for anxiety, depression, drug abuse & being a general twat. Invest in them.

  39. Don’t work too hard that you don’t have enough time left to invest in your relationships with your children.

    Yes, you may well be doing *”it”* all for them and their future, but time spent with them whilst they are growing up is the most valuable and potentially beneficial investment that you could possibly make.

    Make the time and build relationships that will allow you to keep the lines of communication open throughout their development, both through the good times and the bad.

    I’ve been lucky enough to have been able to build good relationships with my now adult children, even though due to working too many hours and days per week whilst they were younger, I started many years too late.

    However despite the success of my business and the financial security that it affords us, the single biggest regret in my life is, that I missed those wonderful years and experiences with my family whilst my children were growing up, simply because I was growing a business…

  40. Start saving. Take care of teeth. Exercise regularly. Don’t let drugs or alcohol get away from you. Value your family and friends. Show up for the big things if you can’t be around for the day to day.

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