I started my master degree 2 months ago. I moved to Germany where my boyfriend was living and doing his master. Right now we live together. Even before I got accepted I got anxious about my own social life. Because our programmes are in the same faculty and there are common lectures in the first semester.
I mentioned my boyfriend about I want to have my own social life as well and said him I don’t want him to come to the weekend trip for first semesters. He replied as “It is not certain you are coming here, also even though you aren’t I wanted to attend trip again.” And plus he signed for student tutor job as well. That’s why he met all of the new students. I talked him about these 2 subjects and he replied ” even if you would say me don’t attend I was going fight with you and attend the both events. Because I wanted to attend.” I found it very selfish and he said me to think about his side but I thought, put myself his position and still didn’t get why he insisted about it that much.
The thing is like he was in Germany in one year and he experienced the city the class whatever himself alone. He went out with his classmates etc. I want to experience it alone too. And he doesn’t agree with me.
We went to that trip 2 weeks ago and I got pissed when he was trying to talk my classmates because he said “I didn’t meet with him/her.” and went talking. It is not that I don’t want him near my friends never. I just want to get know my classmates more before they know him. Even some of my classmates met him before me and they said “Aren’t you the girlfriend?”
2 days ago there was wine tasting party that organised by first semesters. They asked if your bf wants to join he can. And I said him honestly that I don’t him to come that party because these students are the ones that I talked like 1-2 sentences and I want to know them alone. His answer was ” But I invited you with my friends and even I sat with you in the match away from them.” I never asked him to invite me, to sit away which he chose the seats that time.
After a long talk that I tried to explain him why I don’t want him he disaggred but didn’t come. And now he behaves strange, talks with an online psychologist and he said he is going to say me in the future what it is about.
I am personally stucked. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know am I right or wrong, I am also struggling to adapt Germany without knowing German.
Can anybody give any advice or is there someone that had the same situation? Thanks
TL:DR! I started studying in my boyfriend’s school. Our faculty is same and I don’t want him sometimes to be with me and students from my semester. I am not sure he understands. Advice?
2 comments
It’s normal to want your own friends and your own experiences. Don’t let him convince you that it’s not. Keep making your own social connections. If he can’t get used to the fact that you want to carve out your own identity, you need to re-consider the relationship.
It’s your decision.
It sounds like he might be worried you will meet someone else and has anxiety. It is totally reasonable you want some boundaries between him and your peers.
You can talk to him more about this, but it already sounds like he might be too clingy.