Ages/Genders: Females, mid-to-late 20’s.
Friendship Lengths: 5-7 Years
I’ll try to make this short. I have two friends who I’m going through this same situation with, so maybe I’m being extra sensitive right now.
Anyways, I’ve had these two friends for years (unrelated, they don’t know each other). I would consider each to be some of my closest friends, so much so that I want to ask each of them to be my future bridesmaids. But, here’s my issue:
These two friends are so beyond flaky. I’ll text them, and sometimes won’t receive a response for weeks, maybe even a month to a month and a half. I’ll try to make plans with them, and if they don’t end up cancelling on me last minute, they’ll string me along when we can actually hang out.
I understand being busy. Trust me, I do. I just finished a doctorate program and am studying for a major standardized test. I’m planning a wedding. Sometimes I feel like I can barely keep my head on straight. But, I always make time for those I care about. Even if it’s setting a date on my calendar 2 months out, I’d rather commit to seeing my friends and have both of us have something to look forward to than not.
I’m starting to be really hurt by this flakiness. I don’t want to throw away years of friendship, but it’s also hard to feel connected to people I literally never see and rarely talk to anymore. Plus, if I can’t even get an answer out of them now to just get coffee or lunch, I don’t know if I could or should depend on or expect them to be present as a bridesmaid in the future.
Any and all words or advice appreciated. Thanks for reading.
TL;DR: Two different friends (unrelated, don’t know each other) of many years are becoming increasingly flaky to the point where the relationship is deteriorating. Am I being overly sensitive because this is both happening at the same time, or am I justified in being upset?
2 comments
You’re right to be upset by this behaviour, and it’s understandable that you don’t want to throw away a friendship.
That being said, I would say if they’re really your friends, you should be able to have an open and honest conversation about how their behaviour impacts your friendship and how that makes you feel. If you can have that conversation and they still persist in their behaviour, they’re giving you an answer, they’re just not mature enough to say it to your face (or there’s cultural things at play).
Maybe there are some alternative methods to connect besides text, like calling?
but nothing wrong with giving up on flakes who waste your time and energy if they aren’t putting in the effort for the friendship