My husband and I have been married 8 years for context. Over this time, I’ve noticed that my husband has always been interested in my sexual history. During foreplay he’d ask about my past boyfriends and lovers. This would get him in the mood. He would ask me to stroke him while asking me to answer questions about them.
During sex, he’d ask me to describe past encounters in more detail. He would ask me details about their size, and about how much I would miss those experiences. Sometimes he’d ask me to say their name in the middle of sex. He likes it when I climax to the thought of my ex’s. I quite regularly do, as well.
I’m sure there are marriages like this and it’s all fantasy. I love my husband and I want him to feel good. I’ve okay indulging him in this but it’s also becoming a fantasy for me too. I’d like to hear thoughts on if this is fine or other perspectives.
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Why wouldn’t it be okay if you’re both into it and not hurting anyone? I’m confused.
I’ve had partners that get off sharing the past. I think it’s awesome to be able to tell in detail past lovers experiences. Nothing is off limits between 2 consenting adults.
I’ve had loads of partners who are very curious about my previous experiences and want to know every last detail and others who simply aren’t interested. It seems to be a fairly common thing.
I don’t go as far as your husband, but hearing about my gf’s past does turn me on. Imagining her in those situations is kind of like porn where she is the star. I have no desire to take it any further. Talk with your husband about it, and about your concerns.
I am going through the exact same thing. Married for 9 years, he’s told me his fantasies are to watch me be fucked by other men. I’m into and we have discussed cuckhold, but he says he doesn’t think he could do it for real. I wish he did as he talks about it everytime we have sex and now I’m really up for it. I love him and want to stay with him, it’s just the sexual experience and excitement for me.
Like any kinky play, conversations afterwards and coming down appropriately are important.
You might benefit from having a conversation after your next play and just speak to him about what you’re worried about.
When you speak try and do a couple of things:
1. Wait until AFTER you play, not immediately, like next time you’re at the kitchen counter together.
2. When you speak, consider using “I feel” statements like “I feel worried sometimes that this means you’re not interested in having sex with me outside of this play”
That’ll help him understand it’s just how you’re thinking
3. Think about what you need after this play to be more comfortable? Maybe you want a good cuddle after where he confirms you two are only playing. Ask him what he needs too.
It’s normal to feel funny after kinky play, it doesn’t mean you’re in trouble, but you should establish a method for working through the feelings.
To be fair, this doesn’t surprise me, given that fetishes often originate from past sexual experiences, or a strong emotion, such as fear (why does today’s phobia develop into tomorrow’s philia?).
The taboo of experiencing fantasy during intercourse in itself probably also fuels the sexual arousal.
Perhaps what you experience is like role play?
In your case the theme is clear, but it’s worthwhile to understand these fantasies deeper if you are curious.
Remember that if your thoughts are just arousing fantasies, then they are probably harmless and can be enjoyed.
I’ve never thought about my wife with another man and then one night we we got drunk with a friend and had a threesome with him. I enjoy pleasing her and watching porn, so I thought it was pretty cool. I get to see her get pleased by both of us and watch at the same time. Down the line I got curious about her with exes. I try to talk to her like your husband does but she is really shy and won’t really tell me about her past. She’s told me about one incident while we were having sex and it really turned me on. So maybe the guy just really gets turned on by the thought or he might wan to act it out.
This is called a hotpast kink. It’s not super abnormal as your husband obviously finds you sexually attractive, so imagining you in previous sexual situations can be a major turn on.
Go check out r/hotpast. Not my thing but some guys are into it.
Well tell me all about your past sexual experiences I like to hear about them too, it’s like picking up a new girl that’s bisexual and she tells you about her experiences with all the women
My wife has had more fun ( 3 somes and shit). Me on the other hand I always had to schedule sex w previous girlfriends. So when we started dating and stuff I asked about her past ( omg did it turn me on) I always wanted to do some of the stuff she had already done. Previous relationships were too prude or thought the acts were too demented/psycho. Going on 10 years and sex is still phenomenal. No 3 somes/ swinging it turns me on but psychology wise don’t know if am prepared to see her in the scenario. But yes it turns me on a lot.
It’s wonderful to be able to share your past love life together and both get off on it, it certainly beats jealousy. Have fun go with it
If you both enjoy it and get turned on by it, just go with it without worrying too much about where it might go.
My wife and I started with dirty talk about others with no expectation of anything beyond talk. Two years ago my wife would have said she’d never consider making that fantasy real, but both of our mindsets slowly changed. We now engage in occasional hotwife play and it’s been terrific. (But definitely not for everyone).
You guys are always in control of where things go. If it’s something that you both only want to stay a fantasy, that’s terrific. Rather than worry about where it might go, just communicate clearly about why it turns you both on. Ask your husband to be honest, is it just fantasy or does he have this yet undisclosed desire to actually see you with someone else. If he does, that will let you know to maybe be more careful as you proceed with talk.
Good luck. It’s a really hot kink. Our sex life is more charged now than it’s ever been in 20+ years of marriage.
ETA:
Scanning some of your other posts/comments, I would guess your husband almost certainly has a hotwife kink.
Sounds like he’s into cuckolding
I know you’ve said you’re concerned it could become something else. The real question is, do you want it to??
I think it’s definitely on a hotwife fantasy trajectory, but like others have said fantasy does not always become reality.
I’ve been with my partner for nearly 40 years. He also enjoys hearing about my past partners (which at this point can be difficult to remember many details). He’s never pushed for more than the stories. As long as I’m willing to share stories, he’s happy. As long as both of you are okay with the level of sharing, keep doing what you’re doing. Just keep the lines of communication open so you both stay on the same page.
That’s awesome. It’s called hotpast and we have a sub for it. I’m into it to however my wife isn’t a big fan lol. I’d go read through the sub. Maybe give you some ideas. Also hotpastcaptions is great. Check it out maybe you could send him his own version of one that you make? In terms of it going farther I wouldn’t worry about it or make it clear that it won’t
Have exact same excitement hearing about my wife’s past. Being married for 10 years, this just opened up a new chapter and made intimacy spicy and new. FYI: this developed after a long time together, def not at the start of our relationship.