I (33F) went on a couple dates with a guy (32M). After the second date he said he was going out of town for a week and a half. I thought everything had been going really well, despite both dates ending in hugs, until that point and I figured this might be a nice way of him ghosting me. I posted his photo in an Are We Dating the Same Guy group to which I found out he had been seeing another woman casually, nothing exclusive for them. but she was going to ask him next time they got together to be exclusive. While that was slightly upsetting, I didn’t blame him and debated if I should text him once he got back.
I did text him when he got back because I really liked this guy and I really wanted this to work. I said something along the lines that I didn’t think it was a good idea of me to text him because I figured he was ghosting me but I really liked him and I wanted to keep seeing him but it needed to go in a more romantic way.
He did text back saying he was going to text me but was waiting until his family left for personal reasons and he appreciated my honesty but he wanted to be up front and said he was unsure of what he wanted and wanted to take things slow and let things unfold naturally but he didn’t want to waste my time if that wasn’t what I want.
I texted back that I was going to take the weekend to think about it since I was going out of town anyway. He said “No worries. I totally understand. Have a safe trip.”
I went home, got some advice, and despite what people said, I still want to see him and hang out with him. So I text him saying, I don’t know what your plans are since its Thanksgiving and all but if you’re free this weekend and still want to get together, let me know.” I sent that yesterday (tuesday) around noon but haven’t heard anything back which is not like him, he always got back to me within an hour or so.
Should I assume this is over? Should I text him again sometime later in the week and be more clear saying that I still want to see him? Is there anything I can do to salvage this?
Side note: I have suspicions that he is either married, widowed, or recently divorced and that was the personal reason with his family. What led me to this? Two of his dating profile photos have him wearing a wedding band, not very noticeable and I didn’t even see it until a friend pointed it out.
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TL:DR: Had some great dates, thought he might be ghosting me. Texted him anyway, said he liked me but wasn’t sure what he wanted and didn’t want to waste my him. Told him I would think about it, he said he understood. I decided I did want to see him and texted him asking if he was free this weekend but haven’t heard back. Should I assume its over or text him again being more clear that I decided that I do still want to see him?
3 comments
You’ve only been on two dates! Of course he wants to take it slow and so should you. You don’t even really know him.
You can text him later in the week to clarify if you like.
Seems it may be necessary as he may not have interpreted your initial text as necessarily wanting to take it slow like he does.
But he’s dating other people so he may have different priorities now.
Worth a try though.
Good luck!
Cut em’ loose, girl! Absolutely do not text him and find someone better. He’s clearly actively playing the field with causal dating, and another girl under the impression that they will exclusively date soon. His slow response *is* a response, and even if he’s not married, it is off putting that someone would make you feel like you aren’t a priority if you’re looking to seriously date them. You deserve better and though the dating scene might seem bleak, nothing is bleaker than being with the wrong person.
Yeah don’t text him. Let it go. Dude is not interested.