Title is insane, I understand. BF and I have been together for 5 years. He works an evening shift until 10 pm & his “weekends” are in the middle of the week & I’m in my last year of nursing school so it’s hard to see each other. He’ll be at this job a year in May and it’s a career type situation, so he’ll likely work this job for the rest of his life. We only live 25 minutes apart and when I go to my parents’ house it’s about 5 minutes, but we only really get to see each other for a few hours a week.
I have asked BF on multiple occasions to take the day off to do one thing or another— since it’s my last year in college I wanted him to come along with my friends to football games, come out with my friends, attend different family functions and gatherings. It’s not at ALL like he doesn’t come to events that are scheduled on his days off (which they rarely are) and he has attended a handful of events in instances where he has enough time to request PTO. I can only recall him calling out of work once for me & if I’m remembering correctly, it’s because he forgot to request PTO for the day. I’ve worked all my life & have worked crazy hospital shifts all throughout college. I get that it’s not easy to take off, so I rarely ask that of BF.
Today, he told me that he might use half a sick day tomorrow (the only half a day he has left for a long while) to take off for his coworker’s baby gender reveal. I said to maybe think it over since it’s the only (half) day he has left. I’m kinda pissed that he would take off for someone he’s known for a year when I’ve directly asked him to do that for me. I was also kind of waiting for a damn invite (I guess that could be kind of rude and entitled??) being that we’ve been together for so long.
Even though my partner doesn’t get to be around as much as I’d like, he’s still a part of my life that I carry around with me everywhere I go— I don’t think he’s even actually met any of my friends from college (at least not on more than one occasion) yet they all know about and ask for him consistently. They ask for him, ask how he’s doing, invite him every single time there’s some sort of function, they know what day of the week “boyfriend day” is— my point being, even if he’s not physically there, my partner is a fixture in my world. And I’m not sure it’s the same for him.
I’m not sure if that’s crazy of me. Might be PMSing, might have a point to this. Might be COMPLETELY overthinking. Needing some clarity. Do you think this will pose an issue in the relationship if we both are going to work the careers we are pursuing? Is being mad at BF taking off an overreaction? Is thinking I’d get an invite entitlement? Do I even bring anything up or is this whole thing irrational?
TLDR: my (22F) BF (23M) rarely calls out to hang out with me but he might use his last sick day to go to a coworker’s (who he’s known for a year) baby gender reveal. I didn’t even get an invite. Is being mad at BF taking off an overreaction?
3 comments
Do you know the coworker? I can understand friends and family being invited to these things, but can’t imagine it’s usually an occasion where everyone gets a +1.
It’s not irrational, but you need to ask him why he’s willing to take a half day for this. Don’t compare it to the times he won’t take off for you, but point out that his days off are precious & ask why he wants to use one for a coworkers’s party. Then ask if you can join since you want to share in the day off. The answer to that will likely be no, but the answer to the “why” might be illuminating._
I think there’s a few separate issues here.
1. Don’t ask someone to call in sick for funsies. I might do it for an important thing for my partner, but not just because. I think this is a weird thing to request of someone and you should drop it. Does he ask that of you?
2. No you are not entitled to your boyfriend’s coworker’s baby party. It’s not like a wedding where a plus one is more common (but not to be expected). A baby party is more intimate so you’d only invite people you directly know.
3. You seem to in general feel like you are not a significant part of his life. And it sounds like it’s not just due to the lack of time you spend together. One thing I’ve noticed is that many men don’t talk a lot about their partner with friends or coworkers. Tbh I’m a woman and my friends and I don’t talk a lot about our partners. Either way, you should have a conversation with him about this. Also consider why the two of you are together. Don’t fall for the fallacy that just because you’ve been together for several years that you have to stay together.