My (29F) ex (29M) reached out after 12 years of no contact.

So I am still in shock… and I know that I am not thinking clearly right now due to it, which is why I am hoping you lovely redditors can help prevent me from acting on impulse.

He was my first boyfriend, we were only together for a little over a year and I was completely devastated when he ghosted me one day. After that, I never heard from him again… until today.
So I decided to renew my World of Warcraft subscription after a few months break. I log in game and I saw a message that was sent 20 days ago from my ex, asking me if I wanted to reconnect and if so to message him back for his discord username. This sent my mind into overdrive.. all of a sudden a million questions start running through my head. I did end up replying back to his message, but then my anxiety kicked in thinking “maybe he isn’t playing anymore..” so he won’t see my message.
My friends told me to look him up on Facebook and message him there, which I have. But now the thought is there that my message will go to his other inbox and he won’t see it. So my friends are now telling me to send him a friend request so he will definitely see that. However I am too afraid doing that will make him change his mind about getting in touch with me as it seems desperate. Maybe I am overthinking, I just have a million questions going around in my head. I think the reason he never reached out on Facebook is that I have a different last name now, I’ve been divorced 6 months but I still haven’t gotten around to changing my name back to my maiden name.

So my question is..
Would sending a friend request come across as desperate, or should I wait a few days first to see if he does receive my messages?

Thanks in advance!