Like what I mean is if you say a joke or something and it doesn’t land and people are looking at your awkwardly, or like you try to confidently call someone’s name from afar and they don’t hear you(or act like they don’t hear you), or like general in awkward interactions. This is the main thing that stops me from doing confident things thinking of the awkward things that can result from it. Like I kind of observed others in those situations and they just kind of shrugged it off but with me I can tell I show how uncomfortable I feel when things didn’t go the way I expected.
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You answered your own question, you’ve just gotta shrug it off. Own it, even if something is awkward or cringey or whatever, you HAVE TO OWN IT. That’s the only way you’ll get more comfortable and consequently more confident.
Confidence comes from pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. This is obviously one of these things for you, so just do it, and own it. If it goes well, great, if it doesn’t, so what? Who cares, lmao. It’s your life, G.
Be brave.
Have you heard of reaction formation? It’s when someone, for instance, after cracking a joke that doesn’t land and feeling a rush of embarrassment, shows the opposite and goes on pretending everything is going great. “Fake it til you make it.” It’s how many people learned to survive failure, but I’d suggest you don’t do that, lol.
Being genuine about your feelings not only resonates more with others but also allows everyone to connect on a deeper level. Embracing that moment of awkwardness or silence, acknowledging your emotions, and then calmly continuing the conversation, albeit perhaps a bit reserved at first, is more authentic.
Experiencing occasional discomfort isn’t a bad thing; in fact, never feeling it might be far more distressing. Avoiding embarrassment or rejection often fuels social anxiety. However, facing embarrassment head-on, without rushing to fix it, eventually lessens its impact. Interestingly, your body reacts with less intensity each time. Perhaps, seeing each embarrassment as a stepping stone towards confidence could reframe it as a win rather than a failure, as that’s how confidence truly builds. Remember, embracing all emotions is essential–it’s a part of growth.
I had an etiquette coach that purposely ran drills concerning social gaffes. What we should do when we drop a utensil, accidentally spit when we speak, get spinach in our teeth, suffer a wardrobe malfunction, say the wrong thing, etc.
The purpose of the lesson wasn’t to get us to memorize ‘to do’s’ so much as it was to remind us that, even in ‘socially refined’ circles, people make mistakes and the mistakes are common enough that they’re anticipated and codified.
The key is to always remain calm, own your mistake and apologize sincerely (once, short and sweet, no supplication needed) and then smile and move on. Overapologizing or dwelling on your mistakes only shines a spotlight on them and prolongs the awkwardness.
If I make a joke that falls flat, I usually just let that awkward pause be, laugh at myself and say yeah, that sounded better in my head lol. If they can’t laugh it off with you, then they’re not your people.