Please help Reddit,
I’ve been working with a woman for the past couple of months that I have completely fallen for like no one else in my life. She has an extroverted, kind, energetic, positive and bubbly personality that is incredibly infectious. We share the same profession. We also have similar goals, backgrounds, interests, and values. I know that due to her personality that she treats everyone as she treats me, but I feel that she seeks me out in moments and is interested in learning things about me beyond the normal surface level chitchat that happens between coworkers. Again, she probably does this with everyone.
I’ve been really wanting to let her know how I feel and develop a friendship that hopefully can turn into a romance. I’m torn about sharing my feelings for numerous reasons. 1. I’m afraid that if she doesn’t feel the same it will make our work environment awkward and I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable and want to leave the job. I also don’t want to leave the job. 2. I also fear outright rejection or being put in the friendzone out of pity as she is extremely kind.
I know that I’m probably idealizing this person a lot but I honestly feel that we could be a great match for each other. I don’t want let an opportunity slip by me, but I also know that when I really like someone my attention and affection can be overbearing for someone that doesn’t feel the same as I do. My affection has also been taken advantage of by other women in the past. I’m a more introverted, selective person that tends to be either fire or ice when it comes to romantic love but I really want to be okay if the results of this relationship is either friendship or purely professional.
Lately I’ve been struggling immensely with my feelings. I feel like I’ve been carrying a 2-ton weight in my heart of passion, love, and fear like I have never experienced before in my life with anyone. I know that my infatuation with this person maybe is unhealthy and I can’t hold the expectation that she will be “The One.”
How should I proceed?
20 comments
A) don’t shit where you eat.
B) you are idolizing an idea of her to an unhealthy level. Stop
C) DO NOT SHIT WHERE YOU EAT
Either do nothing or be prepared to quit your job. It’s that simple. You don’t get to make her uncomfortable and not leave.
Since this is the workplace, some caution is in order. Take it slow. Try inviting her out to lunch or drinks after work. If that works out then you can say something like ” Wow, this was great. I’d like to get to know you better. Do you think we could get together again sometime?” And gauge her response. Dropping the love bomb and professing your feelings right away is a low probability of success move.
Impossible
You can’t.
there is no “one”
You guys aren’t Olympic skating partners are you?
You sound weirdly obsessed with your coworker, maybe you should find a new job, get some space away from her, and then try to tell her how you feel.. if you still feel the same.
Dude you don’t confess feelings to someone
you haven’t even dated, like life is some dumbass romantic comedy. What is she supposed to do with that feelings dump, swoon? It’s worse that you’re thinking of doing this to a co-worker. There is no way around this being juvenile and awkward.
You can’t lol. Not really. By that I mean there’s no way to guarantee it won’t be awkward or destroy your relationship, both professionally and “friendship” wise
There was a day and age where it wasn’t too uncommon for people to meet their partner/spouse through work in some way. Those days appear to be largely over.
I mean, you can always invite her for drinks, like another commenter recommended. But tread carefully. This could absolutely torpedo your job
In this case, you’re better served keeping a lid on your feelings for her until one of you leave the workplace.
You need to take her off a pedestal.
First you need to fix your mindset. She is a potential partner, 1 of 1,000,000 potential fits out of the 7,000,000,000 people on the planet.
Only after this, you can ask her verrrrrry casually with the total expectation that you will be turned down; if she would want to get a drink. Then you treat it as any other first date. Then you go on a second and a third and a fourth date. And you don’t tell her about your obsession until 2 years after you say I love you and you are ready to propose. Because being obsessed is not a desirable trait at all. Thinking she is your life partner before even a first date and even a few months into seriously dating is a major red flag
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Dont confess, just ask her to do something outside of work. If she agrees, then there might be something, otherwise leave it alone
You can’t.
You can’t.
First, once you make any kind of romantic advances, she’ll know how you feel. There won’t be any real way to walk that back.
Second, you shouldn’t date coworkers anyway. Don’t dip your pen in company ink.
This looks exactly like my story from few years back. If my history could help you in anyway, don’t pursue this.
Don’t shit where you eat.
You can’t. Don’t do it
Dude you are waaaaaay idealizing this woman and the person she brings to the workplace. You sound like one of those psycho stalkers who freaks out when they find out she went home with someone from a bar and had a one night stand or something 😂