Why do i (F17) scare people away?

6 comments

1. Yeah I definitely relate. Being autistic that’s pretty much the story of my life. It’s really hard to make friends and when I feel like I do they start acting funny for some reason. You could ask them and they’ll act like they don’t know what you mean. But it does make me feel some type of way seeing them treat others normal then when I come around they start acting weird.

   That’s why the job I currently have is glad everyone is friendly because it’s miserable working shifts and every one acts funny towards pretty much just me at most my old jobs. That feeling of being the outcast builds up until I start acting up at work and really give people a reason not to like me.

2. She probably heard a rumor that you’re an outcast/friendless. People generally don’t want to be associated with them because it makes them look bad.
   Try approaching and befriending people that don’t care about social status.
   Also avoid the fake-nice people you mentioned they only want to be friends out of pity or because it makes them look better.

3. Unfortunately you may never know. It could be some weird hangup she has. May be she just don’t click and doesn’t want to deepen the friendship. Maybe she senses your desperation and that will always push people away. You need to move on and take the hint. Only actionable thing I can think of is to not overshare in the future with others and take it slower in establishing friendship. If you’re thinking you overstated that may be it. It makes people really uncomfortable because no one wants to hear personal things from a stranger in most circumstances. It’s usually a red flag to people that you will become an emotional drain on them. Not saying you will, but that’s how it reads. Also this is highschool so it’s also entirely possible she’s just immature and being shitty. Either way don’t focus your energy on her. Be polite and distant with her. Good luck!

4. That is very weird behaviour on her part. There’s nothing wrong with you! I don’t know why she went cold all the sudden but it’s not up to you to figure that out. Her going cold without explanation says more about her than you, even if you did something “wrong” it’s up to her to communicate that- you can’t be guessing.
   I always found people to be strange like that in high school, teens and early twenties. Actually a lot of people my age from my home town are like that. It sucks and I wish you didn’t have to deal with that.

5. > One day at school we had to give everyone compliments.she complimented everyone with saying things like “ you seem nice” “ you’re really good at art) etc, to me she only said “ you’re quiet” as a compliment. To her i said before “ you are a friendly person” she said thank you to everyone but me.

   OP, may I ask you something?

   Do you really want to be friends with someone who casts people aside by complimenting everyone else but you? That’s a very anti-social behavior coming from her.

   Do you really want to be friends with someone who makes you feel unworthy and unhappy?

   People may have different opinions on why they don’t like you, and that’s on them. Her behavior, however, screams toxic.

   Also…

   This entire paragraph.

   > I guess i do have some attachment issues maybe, because i really wanted to be friends with her after that and i was looking out for talking with her again but it seems she wants nothing to do with me. I’m scared that i just scare people off maybe, i don’t know why.Now i feel really insecure and i regret talking to her in the first place because maybe i was just annoying and oversharing, i don’t hope so.i’m also scared that she already just faked being nice to me, sometimes i’m so stuck up with conversations and my opinions that i don’t realise the people i talk to aren’t that interested in what i’m saying.maybe she was just being nice to be nice. Everyone is just so fake nice to me and im the one that never notice it. This always happens with almost everyone i meet and it just sucks so much cause i wanna be friend- worthy.

   > I’m scared that i just scare people off maybe, i don’t know why.

   > maybe i was just annoying and oversharing

   OP, do not let one person’s behavior towards you shape your self-esteem.

   You are friend-worthy.

   You are, from what I can see in your post, a friendly person. You want friends. You like talking to people. You are open-hearted.

   Don’t let one person’s behavior toward you stop you from being a kind person.

   If people don’t want to strike up open conversations with you, then that’s on them.

   We don’t know how your first conversation with this person went, but take it as a life lesson. Somedays, you will come across people who seemed open towards you at first with conversations, but they might’ve felt something else entirely different.

   That’s not on you.

   Find people who uplift and support you. Find people who can accept you as you are, and not through some popularity contest and fake compliments. Words are worth nothing if they’re full of sugar and no nutrients.

   I wish you all the best in finding your people.

6. Man, that just took me back to when we did a similar thing in school, except we’d write it anonymously. Got a whole sheet of 20 or so people’s writing that read some variation of “You’re very quiet but you seem smart and you’re good at art”.

   Honestly, as nice as she may seem – and this is most likely your view from rose tinted glasses, it seems like very antisocial behaviour to just ignore you like that, and say that as a “compliment”. I know it’s hard especially when you want to make friends, there’s the tendency to be willing to have anyone by your side because that seems better than having no one at all, but she doesn’t seem like a good friend. never lower your standards just because you feel leel lonely – either in friendships or relationships – because that’s how you get shitty people that will make a mess out of your life