I used to go to the gym on a semiregular basis, but even in that space I felt pretty uncomfortable and the odd one out.
I’ve been told by multiple people that I speak too quitetly, being asked to repeat what I just said, even in situations when I am trying to talk as clear as possible.
I try to get out of my comfort zone by doing things I wouldn’t regularly feel comfortable doing, but I don’t feel I build self confidence through this.
It’s become kind of a habit for me to work alone. I oftentimes feel like I am out of subjects for discussions, and evn feel the need to come up with something so I am not perceived as boring.
I know that these are a lot of things, but I was curious whether there was some advice you could give me. I’ve been told it might be the cause of the environment I inhabit, but I am sure there must also be some internal factors that come at play.
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The gym is an anxiety inducing place for lots of people; same with social networking in general. You’re not alone! To be honest though, I’m not sure what advice you’re looking for specifically. Can you elaborate?
what sort of things bother you? i.e. what sorts of self destructive thoughts do you find yourself trending towards when you’re alone
It sounds like you’re doing a lot of good things, like hitting the gym regularly getting out of your comfort zone. I can relate, I still feel like a bit of an “outsider” at the gym I’ve been going to for 8 years. In that case you gotta remember that the gym isn’t a social club. You’re there to improve yourself first and foremost, the social aspect is supplementary. Consistent gymming will relieve your anxiety and improve your confidence.
I think a lot of this comes down to your relationship with yourself. It sounds corny and hippy-dippy when you don’t have it, but you need self love. Once you develop it, you’ll realize how important it is. Love yourself, believe in yourself, and be proud of yourself and you’ll realize that other people feel the same way about you. The way you think about yourself and the world around you will shape your experience. If you believe that you’re a weirdo outsider, you *will be*.
Therapy can be super helpful in developing this, and if the anxiety persist there’s also the option of medication. I’ve done both and they’re both very real and very effective. Good luck you’ve got this!
You can learn to speak/sing from your diaphragm. It’s what helps you project your voice.
I recommend “warming up” before interacting with people.
Do you have a friend or family member who you don’t feel uncomfortable talking to? Call them and just talk to them a bit to get out of your head. This strategy has really helped me when I am feeling anxiety before having to interact with coworkers.
Also, if you haven’t read “how to win friends and influence people.” You need to read it. One of the things he talks about in the book is to get people to talk about themselves and all the tension in a conversation will evaporate. Its a really helpful skill whenever I feel awkward in a conversation.
Last thing. Keep going to the gym! I promise no one is really going to remember you. It’s a great way to get out into the world without actually having to talk to people.
Good luck!
You need to get in touch with your anger. There is healthy anger, which is positive life force, and toxic anger, which is destructive and selfish. Learn more about your capacity for anger, try to integrate more healthy anger into your personality. It will give you the strength to subdue the anxiety. For example, healthy anger gives you the mindset to overcome a difficult task, something weighing on you, or something in your way. “I’m going to get up and clean this fucking house. I haven’t cleaned in 5 weeks and there is no reason for it. Even if there is a reason for not doing it, It’s bullshit. I’m doing it right now.”
What I learned recently from watching Jordan Peterson videos is that people who are extremely anxious & depressed are only that way because they’re thinking about themselves too much. Thoughts like, “How do I look, how do I sound, do i sound nervous etc” plague their minds. The trick is to focus on another person as much as possible during conversations and in turn you’ll stop thinking about yourself.