I(21F) have flirted with this guy(23M) for about a year. We met as friends initially but I know he started to like me and, while I flirted with him, I never gave him the time of day up until a few months ago. He broke up with his ex of five years around the time we met and exchanged instagrams, but we only had a real conversation once they had broken up for a couple of months. They were on and off before that. Now he has never not had her in his life. I know he still cares for her immensely and they left on amicable terms so they’re still in contact. Call me crazy, but I do check sometimes if they’re still following each other and sometimes they’ll unfollow on all platforms and then follow each other back. I did this before when we were just friends as a social media thing. Sometimes I’ll do this to my girl friends too lol. But now I have some emotion invested into this following relationship.
He has been wanting to date me for a while and I agreed to give it a few more months and I will definitely say yes once he asks. He has never lied about still talking to her, but I have a feeling he is lying about her being the one who has to reach out. One night I was sad and I expressed to him that’s because he’s still in contact with his ex. The next day he told me he ended everything with her and told me she wouldn’t stop harassing him so he blocked her on all platforms. I checked a week after that and he lied and she is still being followed on all platforms. I trust that he would not leave or cheat on me for her. He’s really good to me and asks to see me a lot and he calls any chance he can get. I trust that he probably told her they have to stop talking to each other, but I don’t get why he lied about blocking her on everything. I also don’t see a point in following exes on social media. I would never follow mine even if I still love them. Is this lie worth ending this “relationship” over?
On one hand, he has expressed he doesn’t fully trust that i’ll settle down with him when I say so. He may just be keeping his options open which I don’t blame him for because I refused to take him seriously for about a year. On the other, he is continuing to do something that he knows I wouldn’t be happy with. Although I don’t think he knows that I know they’re still following each other. Does this speak to his character that he is willing to protect his own interests even if it has to be done behind my back or is this just something not worth ending something that could become a good relationship over? Like I said, I do trust that he wouldn’t cheat with her, but I could be being naive.
TLDR – Guy i’ve been seeing lied to me about completely cutting off his ex. He is still following her on multiple platforms.
6 comments
He is definitely in hopes to have a rekindled relationship with the ex. Just had a talk with a guy friend about this similar situation and that was what he had explained to me
Mixed signals and trust issues, huh? Look, relationships need honesty to thrive. He might be keeping options open, but lying about cutting ties isn’t cool. It’s not just about following on social media; it’s about trust and respect.
If he’s willing to protect his interests behind your back, it’s a character red flag.
Your emotions matter, and if he’s not upfront now, it might not change later.
Trust your gut – is this lie a deal-breaker?
If they’re friendly, why would he have to cut her off? People can stay friends once relationship fails. Why is this troublesome to you? You aren’t even dating yet and there’s apparently stuff going on that makes you distrustful. He’s lying and you’re not comfortable and it’s been a year of halfassing. Maybe time to find other people.
You’re not dating him so you have no claim to his time or who he sees. If you want him to be exclusive with you, then fucking date him. If you don’t want to date him, what do you expect him to do, sit there waiting patiently like a chump waiting for you to make up your mind? Come on, lady
Imo, this relationship did non even started and is already full of mistrust and social media stalking.
Also, you are dangling promis of relationship in front of him, while asking him to act like in relationship, while being unsure about whether you want him.
I just don’t see how this could develop to anything but drama.
Yes. It is reasonable for you to ask him to leave his ex baggage out of the relationship. If you talk about it, you may find a reasonable compromise, but if he can’t be honest with you and possibly with himself, he won’t be be able to meet your expectations for a relationship.