I \[M26\] went on a first date with a pretty amazing woman yesterday. We really hit it off — great conversation, great focus. We talked about career ambition, philosophy, food, hobbies, relationship preferences/styles, etc over 4 hours and it was honestly one of the best first dates I’ve ever been on. Although she was nudging me earlier to make a move, we had a typical “awkwardly timed but laughing about it” kiss at the end when I finally followed through.
Today, she messaged me saying that she had a really good time but wasn’t really sure if we’re compatible. I’m pretty sure it was a cultural expectation thing. We’re from different backgrounds and she wanted something with someone more aligned with her background. I got this impulse from her throughout the night, but to me, it wasn’t something irreconcilable.
Maybe I’m justifying the rejection with this cause to make myself feel better. I don’t know. I’ve been spiraling thinking about what we talked about — the relationship preferences (maybe she doesn’t want an equal partner, maybe she wanted a less ambitious guy who would take care of her — she never said otherwise though), the cultural backgrounds, the maturity difference (she wanted a short term relationship but would be open to a long term one, I want a long term relationship), the career backgrounds (she’s got impressive academic credentials, I’ve got impressive work experience). Or maybe I said something dumb that hit a nerve and didn’t realize it.
Feels bad when you have that raw excitement and chemistry with someone and the hopeful optimism from possibly finding a unicorn — and it dies. Part of me is glad I got to experience this night because it set the bar so high for what I want. Part of me is now terrified I won’t find someone who matches it.
I know it’s all for the best and all, but damn, I don’t know what to do. Keep going on mediocre dates?
1 comment
What do you imagine women typically say to men who end up their husbands ? They pretty much say exactly what she said to you. Not saying this is your wife,only that if yiu think she is special than that is something you pay attention to much more than you pay attention to her saying “ I’m not sure”. I would 100 percent recommend turning down the “romantic” eagerness a notch or two and talk her into getting together again so she gets to know you a bit , before accepting her “decision” – it’s a typical case where No doesn’t mean “NO” – in this case it sounds like it means “I dunno” . No means NO when it comes to sex – sure – but for a second date when your intentions are as they should be – then it’s ok to accept her reluctance as her being ambivalent, because that’s all you have described – initial ambivalence. Which is soooooovery common. And should you feel like kissing her in the middle of Date 2, that’s ok as well.
At the end of the day, there is supposed to be a bit of a chase involved in these sorts of situations – otherwise there’s no “love story”