Hello. I need help as I don’t know if I should stop talking to that person or keep the friendship and ignore her behaviors. I’m currently a third year student, I’m a bubbly, social person, and chill person in general and I almost never take things personally and don’t like fighting or arguments as I have been blessed and grateful all my life for I being loved by my family, friends, and people around me even at the university. My problem is I have a group of 9 friends at the university and we always do everything together and go out and it’s been this way since year 1, they’re all kind to me and love me and we’re close except for 1 person, she usually gives a hug to everyone except for me and sometimes when she passes by me at the campus she doesn’t even say hi and she pretends that she doesn’t see me and if I give her a hug she stays still and only gives a cold smile and treats me in a cold way in general and doesn’t talk to me much and if I speak and the group are listening to me, she ignores and pretends as if I’m not speaking and she doesn’t let me finish my story or sentence and she interrupts and it’s been this way ever since the day we knew each other even though i’m very kind to her and she talks and laughs with the rest of the group always except for me and it feels so uncomfortable to be around her when we’re sitting in a group, i’m a bit mad because I feel ignored and hated even though I have never done anything to that person, it’s been 2 years and I never reacted to the situation and I see that person everyday at campus, I want to react in cold way the same way she does and at the same time I want to teach her a lesson to not treat me this way, how can I react when she’s around?
8 comments
I feel we are missing a lot of context. Did she always treat you like this?
Have you tried talking directly with her? Have you asked your friends if anyone else notices it/knows anything?
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Why does *everyone* have to live you?
Leave her alone
It isn’t your role to teach her a lesson. She also doesn’t have to justify her behavior to you.
But I understand that her incivility is very uncomfortable and feels like a personal attack.
You say you are naturally very bubbly, but that now you want to give her a taste of her own medicine. This feels to me like it might be more of a loss for you and a win for her. Because it means she has changed you, brought you down to her level, given her ammunition to portray to others that you have “shown your true colors”.
I suggest you be the best version of yourself. Reduce the space you let her take in your head to as near to nothing that you can. Fill that space with the joy you get from good experiences and being with friendly people. She is outnumbered in your group 8 to 1. Focus on the 8, and enjoy the revenge of having a life well lived, where she cannot bring you down however miserable she makes herself by trying.
It sounds like she may be jealous of something? Are you close to someone in the group that she also is?
The best way to handle this is to communicate clearly and ask her if you have done something wrong. This means the ball is in her court, if she says yes and tells you what it is, you can make amends. If she says no but continues to treat you like that then she’s in the wrong and you should just politely ignore her and maintain the friendships with the others you have.
Either:
Keep acting as always, it will eat her inside
Or:
“Drunk” text her or one of your pther pals asking why.
Neutralise the threat
Vengeance is a gun that shoots from both ends. Forget about teaching people lessons, especially since nobody’s entitled to being liked.
Some people like you, some don’t. You’re not a product that has to be marketed to the largest crowd possible, you’re a human being with your own behaviors and idiosyncrasies, keep around and cherish people who like them and ignore people who ignore you.
In short, there’s no F to be given here, keep your energy for people you like ☺️