*Insert questionable red flags here: 28M, virgin (hugging + holding hands; no cuddling, kissing, sex). 4-6 first dates, all through online dating from 20-26 y/o, 0 second dates. Also add attracting either toxic girls or kind girls with toxic friends.
*Insert potential green flags: friends with girls since I could remember, circa 4 years old. Been active in sports / general shape since 5: swimming, soccer, rowing, nordic skiing. Several people of all ages have said I should be dating / would be the person to always have a girlfriend since approx 10 years old. I live alone. I’m not into casually dating / introducing sex.
What girls am I mostly friend zoning? Physically 4-7s.
What girls am I ignoring? 8-10s, 1-3s.
What girls am I attracting before I rule them our for being crazy? Daddy issues. / 7-9s.
Now, I have noticed a few things: the girls giving me hints of interest briefly touch me / break the touch barrier, and initially are single. For the most part I don’t re-engage with any girl who shows interest unless I see her again, and often times she is flirting with others as well as me.
Girls who have shown interest, follow up from my appearance of disinterest into 2 categories: 1. Recently got out of a relationship, in which case they remain single; 2. Were previously single, and subsequently enter a relationship. Occasionally I question their choices in romantic/sexual partners, especially how soon their relationship becomes public following trying some form of emotional intimacy with me / the partner wants to become exclusive. Whilst I may overtly show disinterest, I will likely have disclosed to one of my girl friends that I have some potential interest in the girl(s) showing interest.
Since remaining in communication with those who have shown interest / subsequently dated others, apparently I am clueless to advancements from girls. From the girls that I have friend zoned, I am hyper observant of all interactions, and I should just “open up more / overtly react”, but they value our friendship.
My question really pertains to the following:
Should I bother seeking romance / a relationship at all? I mostly am using friendships to filter people before I consider dating them. Should I have established something within my life first before searching, or casually date as I age?
Should I consider dating with the intent to overcome some childhood rejection that I haven’t processed?
Should I pick up a new / old hobby, then from socializing there start to date?