So a little back story. My wife and I along with another couple that we are very close with went on a weekend getaway. When I say close no topic is off the table that we discuss when together.
So anyway, we went on the trip and got to drinking. Our house had a private hot tub so we get in it the first night talk laughing etc. drinking continued and playfully to the girls tops off they are cool with it. By the end we all are naked in the hot tub. Nothing went down just chilling naked in the hot tub.
So the next night we all made the deal we was just straight up getting in nude at the beginning. Cool everyone was on board. Night goes on I get hot so I sit on the edge on the hot tub. It’s dark so I don’t see an issue but my wife feels like I’m on display.
So again the night ends and we head to our rooms. Well my wife is not happen. She says she doesn’t like other people seeing me like that etc.
I’m comfortable being naked around friends etc and have no intentions of ever doing anything with anyone other than my wife. I like the beauty of the naked body. I like my wife being naked and on “display”.
How to I get her more comfortable with this and her to understand that I only wanna be with her and do things with her?
29 comments
It sounds to me like your wife is pretty open and comfortable with trying new things but you reached a limit by being exposed for an extended period of time sitting on the edge of the hot tub. You can and should definitely communicate with her that you only want to do things with her but don’t try and find a way to convince her to expand her limit if she is clearly communicating with you what she feels comfortable with.
you could ask your wife for more details, e.g. did she have the idea your friends were staring, or maybe one of them said something about your privates to her or even hinted at sex. or maybe she was projecting her own uncomfortableness onto you.
maybe it’ll lead to something that can be addressed. but being uncomfortable naked is pretty normal too.
You just have to make sure you are only sexually attracted to her and no one else. Think about it. it’s that sexual thought she’s not comfortable with. Do whatever you have to, and make sure she knows she’s the only one in your eyes
Go visit nude beaches. You soon get used to the idea that naked <> sex.
That’s easy. Don’t be naked around others but her.
If you only want to be with her and do things with her, then don’t talk because talk is bullshit.
DO. Actions are everything. Talk is cheap.
If you are sincere that she is your “only” then if she sets a reasonable boundary, then respect it.
Present it to your friends if they ask that you as a couple have decided not to be naked with others. Don’t make her the bad person but if you present as a couple, then good chance you’ll be a couple.
Just respect her boundaries. Is it that difficult? Y’all seem pretty open and chill, including her but she has a limit. You found it.
If it bothers her respect that. My wife’s best friend has saw us both naked and have sex multiple times but we were on vacation with another couple who asked us if we wanted to go skinny dipping 3 of us were naked and my wife said she was uncomfortable I put shorts on and we went swimming she said she didn’t like us being on display, we talked about it and I’ve never gotten naked in front of anyone again (well except for her best friend) I’m good with that I never want her to feel uncomfortable
At what point would you not be happy with what your wife does, I would be happy she took it as far as she did.Either this goes all the way to sex or you have to set a limit, she reached hers
That is a pretty valid concern. It seems like an easy thing to fix by just no longer exposing for that long. I end up out of the water to cool down when hot tubbing as well so it’s not like you were being weird by sitting on the edge.
You are asking how to get HER more comfortable with this
Why isn’t the question how come YOU can’t respect this boundary of hers?
Same as others have mentioned here: your wife is pretty free wheeling, you found a limit which doesn’t seem unreasonable. Best course of action is to not try to push it.
But you don’t want to do things with just her. I want to do things with only my husband but getting naked with a couple that we’re close friends with ? Ew, making plans to be naked around each other the following night? Huh?… there’s clearly attraction and excitement involved. Platonic couples don’t hang out looking at each other’s genitals. Comfortable being naked means you’re ok changing, skinny dipping, the sauna, mooning or flashing. Having a conversation with someone else’s wife while your cock is out isn’t platonic or enjoying nudity. You’re getting a kick from it and hoping things will happen. Your wife could sense that the second night. Drop it. Enjoy nudity with your wife and stop pressuring her to do what feels weird.
Why don’t you just tell her you want to swing or soft swing because that’s the direction your taking this from your feedback. Your definitely pushing the envelope here.
You don’t. You respect her boundaries.
Perhaps your boner was the point. Even if it were only half way, it suggested to her that you were suggesting someone should be engaging it….
Respect her boundaries. If she’s cool with you being naked in a hot tub but not comfortable with you being naked outside of a hot tub, you have your answer.
I think you are asking the wrong question. A potentially better question is how to earn more trust.
I enjoy doing a sport called Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. It is a type of submission grappling where you goal is to force your opponent to concede or “tap out”.
As we grapple a good opponent might get me in a choke. I may work to escape, but feel myself losing consciousness and tap. Joint locks are the same. If I believe I might be injured, I tap and we are done. A really good partner won’t hurt me even if I don’t tap. If they feel I am in danger but I have not tapped they will stop and check in with me.
At no point would a good grappling partner attempt to convince me that I could withstand more. Once I tap, we are done. If anyone EVER fails to respect a tap and proceeds, they are deemed a huge asshat and no one will train with them again. We have to trust our training partners with our physical health.
In a sexual setting we trust each other with our emotional health. Your strategy of attempting to persuade her not to tap when she has reached her limit is wrong.
Instead of trying to persuade her to allow you more nude interactions with others, I suggest that you show her clearly that you “respect the tap” and you focus on stopping the activity that she feels endangered by. As she see from experience that you respect her boundaries she might feel more comfortable with some activities. Attempting to convince her that she is “tapping out” too soon will only reduce your mutual trust.
This is a relationship question, not a sex question
Probably a long response:
It seems like you want your wife to be more comfortable with you and her being exposed.
You have found a limit, but it’s not necessarily a hard limit and may take some understanding to overcome or comfortably advance.
1) Jealously is rarely the cause or root of an issue; it is just the easiest symptom to show itself.
2) insecurity among other things are more likely the cause and once you identify the cause(s) you are more likely to change “limit” to something that is fun, chill, and comfortable.
– to help determine the cause there are a few things to consider….
A) if you are comfortable and enjoy being naked around other people, you are likely a sexually open person and may even be good looking. At the least, your wife is sexually attracted to you. If she is, others can be too.
B) Remove the fact that it’s your penis on display and your faithful intentions. Even if she has no doubts about you, it doesn’t mean others won’t try things they shouldn’t. Especially, after your body part is eye level with the other party. Who by the way, likely have details about how good you are in bed. “Nothing is off the table”for discussion type of good friends. A rule for male nudists, it’s typically not ok to point…. That’s one reason they all carry towels, another is for sitting.
C) Consider the insight your wife may have to the vibes you all’s friends are putting off. Men in general can be somewhat oblivious to subtle changes in the body language of people around us, especially when drinking. It could also be possible she picked up on some discomfort, even a minuscule level, which added to her decision to define boundaries. If she thought it was off putting and potentially causing the slightest damage to you all’s friendship she may have things to say.
Regardless, look more into depth when possible and attempt to remove yourself from the equation. You may find the root cause of what presents as jealousy. As you test different comfort levels remember not to point.
Good luck
Let’s be honest here. As a woman, knowing how other women are, she’s actually protecting your relationship. It’s one thing to be naked under the water and another to have your penis on display. It probably looked juicy and she doesn’t want to share. There are many women who don’t give a shit and will hook up with your man after that. Although you intend to be faithful, it’s hard for most guys to resist a sexy woman coming on strong. As a woman, it’s all too familiar to hear of people hooking up behind the partner’s back with the “friend.” So I think she’s protecting your relationship. Appreciate what she’s doing actually.
The question you asked was how to make her more comfortable with it when the question should be why can’t I just accept my wifes (who sounds pretty damn cool) boundary.
Actually, you sound selfish……
Respect her goddamn boundaries. What’s so difficult here?
Get back in the tub dude. All the way in. Problem solved.
I’m a nudey loving Hippie. Like I’ve run around a music festival naked playing a guitar before level of embracing nudity. I’ve tried to get several girlfriends to be more comfortable with being nude around other people. It’s always baby steps and doesn’t work that well. Beliefs about nudity are pretty deep seated as there is a ton of shaming in our society around our bodies.
Why does she need to be more comfortable with it? Do you need to keep doing it?
You have intentions. Don’t kid yourself.
Nah, you’re pushing for swinging and she’s uncomfortable with it.
Push her at your peril, because if you manage to groom her into going further than she intended and she then feels upset about it, she won’t get over it.
I think you found her line in the sand. Stay in the tub, turn the temp down or don’t get in. Happy wife-Happy life
I don’t know, man. Maybe you just listen to your wife and give a shit about whether she’s comfortable or not?
What a fucking asshole. And one who’s edging towards being a cuckold to swell.