Hubby wants to explore being submissive. That’s usually my role.

He’s a big dude. 6’6” 400 lbs. I’m 5’6” 160 lbs.

What can I do to establish dominance sexually?

Open to anything. Thanks!

3 comments
  1. Seductive talk that is dirty either demeaning, humiliating, or insulting. Take charge in your tone and with your words. Make him feel that he is your play thing, that every moan he makes just fuels your fire.

    Toys can be helpful depending upon their use. Teasing with your mouth and hands can add the tension within him. Lastly, patience! Make him beg for your touch, make him want to release but only on your terms.

    ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS communicate and make sure you both are comfortable and emotional stable when doing these things so either of you are not feeling down.

  2. First off, obligatory “just ask him.” Submission and dominance come in many forms.

    Next, as a large submissive dude myself, here is some of what I’d like:
    Being tied up so our size and strength advantage is removed.

    Being told what you want instead of asked. A really easy way to be more dominant is to say “this is happening” and let him speak up if he genuinely doesn’t want to.(discuss this before hand and be sure to leave a chance for him to indicate he is not ok with it)

    Make him say what he wants. “What’s that? Do you want me to play with your downstairs? You’ll have to speak up.” Or similar.

    Being made to feel small. Not necessarily the penis but overall. Stand above him and look down at him, make him kneel, if your laying by his side scoot up so your head is farther up the bed than his to create the illusion.

    Control him with your words. Give him orders to do things. A simple one is give him something to hold like a full glass of water while you tease or pleasure him. Or if he is a handsy person tell him he isn’t allowed to touch. Failure results in a punishment, sometimes it’s that the session will be over. Just some simple thing that’s easy to do at the start but gets harder the longer it goes on so he has to think about it and endure even though it would be super simple not to.

    Call him a good boy.

    Peg him?

    Spank him

    Dress him up in women’s clothing or makeup?

    In general just do to him what you’d ordinarily want from him.

    Honestly there’s a ton of things and it just depends on what flavors of it he wants.

  3. Take a couple’s and/or BDSM quiz to kind of baseline the things you’d both be willing to try out.

    Get a safe word worked out.

    Then start small. You don’t need to take on some persona and master dirty talk. Start with “Tell don’t ask.”

    “Would you like a spanking?” No.

    “Bend over for your spanking.” Yes!

    “Eat me out.” Yes!

    “Get your fucking cock over here and pound me.” Yes!

    Even though he’s big, in bed you can run your fingers through his hair, bite his lip a little, grab his chin with your fingers. Focus on subtle things to control the play and direction of the sex.

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