Hi all,
As the title says. We’ve been together for 10 months, and I love her so dearly. She truly means the world to me and I would do anything for her, but I don’t know if it’s in a romantic way anymore.
This is my first relationship, it’s long distance, and I’ve never really had crushes in the past. I don’t want to leave her, and I especially don’t want to lose her, but I don’t know if I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her in that way.
I feel awful, because we’ve talked about moving out together after she graduates and I’m in uni, and she’s not in the best headspace or situation, but I just. I just don’t think I feel the same anymore. There are a few other factors that are a bit more personal, but nothing has really happened that would make me not love her romantically anymore.
The timing feels bad, too, because I’ve just made some new friends, and I’m not sure if one of them likes me, and I’m worried that’s what’s messing with me, but I just don’t know.
I’m wondering what I should do? I wasn’t planning on bringing anything up until the new year, because she has a theatre production soon, and then it’s christmas, and I don’t want to ruin anything for her. I don’t necessarily want to break up, but it’s been on my mind a lot and I’m afraid to lead her on any more.
TLDR: I’m scared I’m not in love with my girlfriend anymore, and I am not sure what to do.
23 comments
I’m not into long distance things, they rarely work out. To me I need to the physical closeness to maintain feelings, not even daily but I can’t do once a month or what ever. I’d just break it off.
Be honest be brave and tell the truth. You both are young. Your not wrong for feeling this way, this is normal and what happens as you get older. You two will both go on and meet other people. It wouldn’t be right to drag her along and lie about how ur feeling.
You’re 18 and not feeling it, so you end it. There’s never a good time, there’s always a reason to drag it out because it’s always obviously easier to do nothing than to do something.
It’s kinder to not fake your feelings.
Be honest with her and stick by how you feel. She probably won’t take it well but people rarely do when they’re being broken up with. It’s better to do it as soon as possible rather than drag things out. You’re both young and the possibility of this relationship at your age lasting a lifetime is slim anyway.
Please be honest with her before you start to be dating for even longer. It will be harder for her to handle the truth if you guys have been together longer. Me and my fiancé of 11 years, we started dating when I was 19, and now I’m 30, we just broke up today and I’m a total fucking wreck and in so much pain. So please, tell her now before you continue to do life with her because it will be even harder for her in the end than it is now. She will still be upset but not as much as she would be if you guys kept the relationship for months or years to come. If you really actually cared about her, you would tell her instead of pretending everyday that you want to be with her
Would you rather
A) Break up with her now so she can heal in a few weeks or months?
Or
B) Stay with her for more than 5 years and find out you want to break up with her. She will need a lot longer to heal.
You choose.
Just be honest with her , my dude . I was in the same position 2 years ago and we had a long distance relationship too , she was going to college 2 hours away from me and I’d go see her every other week and I just kept thinking “ it’s a phase , this is normal to feel . I know I still wanna be with her “ but the longer I stayed the more I grew resentment towards her and that wasn’t fair to her cuz she wasn’t doing anything wrong and worse my face always showed my emotions and she could see how annoyed I was getting and one day she finally said “ do you even wanna be with me anymore?” I broke things off there but it’s one of the shittiest moments of my life cuz how badly I handled it . Don’t put yourself in that situation. It sucks , it really does , telling someone you don’t feel anything anymore but unfortunately it happens . I know it’s cliche to say , but you’re 18 , you got your whole life ahead of you . You’ll experience news things and meet new people . It’s better to live your life that you made a hard call but it was for the better than have lingering in your brain .
You’re very young, it’s not uncommon to have several loves before you find the one. If you think it’s over, move on.
There is no right time to tell her so tell her soon! Don’t worry she will be fine, maybe not now but she will get over it and move on, better sooner than later.
I was just in this situation my boyfriend of a year broke up with me last week because he lost feelings. As much as it hurts now it would’ve hurt a lot less if he would’ve been honest the moment he started feeling differently toward me. I would rather of known sooner than later. It will hurt her no matter what but when she realizes that you were honest and didn’t drag on something that isn’t there she will appreciate it.
Wait it out bro. I’ve felt these same feelings in the past with the girl I’m with now. Sometimes it’s just a feeling and nothing more. Do not act out on emotion. As a man, you must learn to not let yourself bond with your emotions, rather you should observe the emotion just as you would observe a cloud in the sky. You would look at it, and simply be like “that’s just a cloud” and keep on going about your business. Think logically. What reason do you not want to spend your life with her? Is it something about her? Is it just a feeling? If it’s a feeling then it will most likely pass with time. If there is something about the kind of person she is, then perhaps you should reconsider your choice. Just remember that feelings fluctuate. You can get mad about something, but you wont feel mad about something forever, just as you can love something, but it doesn’t mean you’ll always feel that feeling of love for it forever. Once that “honeymoon” phase passes, it becomes less of what you feel for the person, and more of what service you can be for that person, and same vice versa. Can you provide for her? Can she provide what you need for you? These are things to think about. Also, another important thing to consider is that she won’t always check off every box that you feel you should have in a relationship. No one will. But sometimes, you’ll meet a person who checks off boxes you didn’t even know were their. So really at the end of the day, count your blessings, and enjoy the time you do have with her. Love her not for what you want her to be, but for who she is. Do not expect anything, rather give what you can. If things work out, they work out, if not, theres no shortage of women out here. There are beautiful fun women everywhere, just gotta be at the right place at the right time🤷🏽♂️
You’re young. There’s still so much out there you haven’t seen yet. And there’s a lot of amazing people you will meet. It may feel like the end of the world, but you will be okay. If you aren’t feeling the relationship anymore, don’t hold yourself to something you’re not feeling anymore.
If your first relationship is a long distance one, you are doing yourselves a disservice. You are only young for a little while. These things are like band aids, rip them off fast and never look back.
make sure you are honest with her, ask yourself why you are feeling this way. are you scared of committing to something ? is it something to do with her? are you just not ready ? you need to check in with yourself and if you are with her every day or alot maybe it’s a good idea to just spend some time apart, spending lots of time with someone can make you grow tired of them.
it happens, you’re both 18, you’ve literally just become (legally) an adult but still have years of maturing and experience to go before you’ll ever really feel like one
10 months may seem like a long time to you now, but I’m 40 and 10 months is nothing
Trust your instincts. It is scary because you don’t want to hurt her. When you break up with her, just be open and honest as to why so she isn’t left in confusion. Your life is yours and you have to do what is right for you.
If the relationship and you were older I might say to stick it out because feelings and romance ebb and flow in normal relationships and sometimes it can feel like “falling out of love” when you’re really just in an “ebb” part of the ebb and flow. That being said, you’re young and the relationship is way too young to be feeling like that. I was in a long distance relationship once and yeah… They’re a huge bummer and often go nowhere. You deserve to explore what’s out there than to sacrifice more time on something you don’t want. I also agree with everyone else; don’t wait. It’ll never be a good time. The only thing worse than a breakup is finding out the other person fell out of love with you a long time ago and was too big of a coward to admit it and let the relationship die painfully.
Please trust me when I say that I empathize with you. It’s hard to have those feelings, especially with your first relationship. But please listen when I, a much older person who remembers what it’s like to be in your position, say that you’ll be okay. You need to listen to yourself and how you’re feeling. Your mind is telling you something isn’t right and although we may love someone, sometimes it best for both parties if you move on.
You are very young. I know it may not feel like it but you have a long life ahead of you. College, your career and you’ll meet so many new people. Please don’t limit yourself because your fear to follow your heart.
Your gf deserves someone who is in love with her and you deserve to be in love with someone. Let her go. GL friend
Be honest and tell her exactly how you feel ASAP. Prolonging the inevitable will just make everything harder. Don’t feel so terrible. You guys haven’t even experienced IN person interaction (since your relationship is long distance), and you’re only 18. You have a lot of time ahead of you to find the right match for you. Leading her on is shitty and she’ll resent you more if you delay telling her how you really feel. She deserves someone who is sure about her.
Bro you are 18, chill out.
If it’s not working out right now you still have a ton of time ahead of you.
Seriously, it sucks but calm fown
If you try to force a relationship when you’re just not feeling it, neither of you will be happy. You will find interacting with her exhausting because you’re just playing a role you have lost interest in (and thus will find just about anything a more worthwhile use of your time), and she will grow extremely resentful of your lack of effort.
The whole point of dating when you’re young is to actually date! Meet new people! Try them on for size and see if they fit. And when they don’t, you break up kindly and move on.
Americans have this obsession with the high school sweetheart that just baffles me.
If I were you, I would end it. Cause if it’s about another person liking you, you never was ready anyway. And don’t like her now. Your making decisions based upon emotions and they do make us crazy sometime. Don’t keep going cause it’s only getting harder as you go. Good luck! 🍀