Does the frustration of not being the main friend happen to anyone else?
I’m friends with two other people and care about them deeply but I feel like they are always hanging out 1 on 1 without me and it makes me feel shitty. They always bring up what they did together or show me pictures and it makes me upset. Though I’d never tell them that. I really want to find one person to have a 1 on 1 friendship with. Someone I don’t need to feel sad about when they hang out with other people because I know I’m worth more to them.
Maybe what I want is more of a romantic relationship than a friendship, the exclusivity a romantic relationship has but without the romance. If that makes sense
I just want to feel important to someone. I’m tired of being a side character in every friendship I have. I just want to feel as loved as the other friend.
2 comments
I don’t know what’s your age but I was going through something same until I turned 22. Up until then, I had friends but I was always the sidekick. I felt bad about it. Felt like confronting up to them. But always feared being ridiculed or bullied. Though they were not that kind. They were not toxic, instead they were supportive and I really enjoyed their company. It was just my overthinking anxiety thoughts that made me stop confronting them.
But when I turned 22, I met my now best friend. We grew closer over time, found similarities between us and today we’re inseparable.
What I mean is, it’s natural and okay to feel wanted and be an important part of someone’s life. But don’t force yourself into being important to someone. In that process, you’ll do a lot of things for them and maybe sometimes go overboard, but that’ll hurt you on the way because you’ll start expecting the same treatment in return and when you don’t get that back, it’ll hurt you deeply. So don’t ruin the flow, cherish the kinds of friendship or relationship you have with people. Someday you’re going to have that one or two person for whom you’ll be the main one. For that you’ll have to be yourself and not fake being nice just because you really want to liked by them. That’s when you’ll have the real people around you who’ll consider you the main one. Hope this helped!
Hey, I totally get what you mean, I’ve been in that position with my two good friends. I think in my case it was because I’ve always been someone who is happy to go along with the flow, but never been so great at initiating things myself. When I forced myself to start initiating more, I found that things naturally improved in my relationship with my respective friends. For instance, I might ask them both if they wanted to hang out at a particular day/time, and even if one of them couldn’t make it I’d still go with the other one. The more I initiated the more they did too, with me. I think they had probably just thought I wasn’t as interested in hanging out as much because I never used to initiate!
Not sure if this helps in your situation at all, but that’s just what worked for me to improve my existing relationships.