Or “if he really wanted to be with you, he would find a way.” Or “He’s never too busy, it’s all about priorities.” Or any other version of the above saying true? If you like a woman, do you do everything in your power to be with her? Want to know men’s opinion. Specifically men in their mid or late 30s. Thanks!
PS: 29F and 38M. There is no sex or any benefits. We aren’t even dating but met each other and love each other’s company. We’ve known each other 2 years and I’ve been waiting for him to make a move. He hasn’t yet. I just don’t want to wait anymore. Even though he is a good person with a good heart.
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No, not all men put a woman at the top of their priority list. People have lives at the end of the day. Plus, just because you have an interest in someone doesn’t mean you’re madly in love with them.
Depends on what stage the relationship is at.
If he’s meeting you for the first time, there’s a large chance anxiety or confidence issues will influence his decision in not being with you.
If you’re both figuring things out, there’s a chance he’s taking his career and life path into consideration to see if you’re a good fit.
If you’re exclusive early on, then ideally unless it’s an emergency, you should be a priority until there’s been a discussion about where your focuses are at.
What are you babbling about
I believe in if you really want to do something even it’s hard, you still find ways to do it. If you don’t want to do it, you find the reasons.
For example: I have no trust at all when he says he was too busy to respond your text. He can do it when he stops at red light, after restroom, at lunch. It just took like seconds to text you back saying he is unable to talk but he chose not to do it.
Or when he says you and him won’t work but he is really like you and wants to be with you. That’s a lie. He doesn’t even want to try it.
If he’s Ina healthier place thin gf a should progress slowly . He should be feeling you out to make sure you’re a good match not just for himself but each other . A lot of dudes start acting like a boyfriend way before they should there should be boundaries established early on . With that said and assuming he is present and emotionally available if he wants to see you he should make it clear no guessing games if at any point you have to guess whether or not he wants to be with you or he’s probably just there for sex .
No not anymore. At the beginning stages of dating now, we’re more worried about not being ghosted, treated as a second option, and making sure our values and comparability line up so those comments you mentioned above wouldn’t be applicable until 3 months in, once the exclusive stage sets in, then it could be more in line.
Bottom line, it’s for both men and women. If someone really likes and is interested in a person, they will ALWAYS find a way to make time for them and on the slim chances that they’re actually busy, they’ll communicate that then follow up with action.
Most dudes won’t get out of their own way with women. If you feel he’s interested, he probably is, but just for whatever reason is too chickenshit to make a move. Sounds like you’re friends at this point and this only works one way (from the female side), but a good move here is to say, “why haven’t we ever dated?” If he comes back with some friend or “little sister” shit, he’s not interested. If he’s not a total coward and is interested, he’ll either ask you out or just tell you he’s be scared.
Nah
Yes, but only after I’ve known someone or been with them for a while. I’d go to the ends of the earth to make someone happy, and I’d do everything in my power to stay with them. But until I’m sure it’s serious it’s not worth it. I can’t count the times I’ve gotten invested or made a huge effort for it to just be someone wanting attention. So yes, it’s true, but I wish others understood that’s not a “given” for most men. And they if you don’t see this behavior he doesn’t care.
I think it’s a really reductive to suggest it’s always/only about want. If they wanted to but also if the right circumstances were there, and the stars aligned, and chance, and luck and if the smell was right, if they are in a good place, and so on and so on.
People finding love and connection is complex and I think there “if they wanted, they would” only makes sense if you’re letting someone go in your heart.
If you like him you should make a move. Then it’s up to the both of you to repair if it’s not well received. Good luck!!
No. If she is a healthy match for me she wouldnt require me to jump through hoops to be with her.
I will go far for love, but I won’t be someones pet.
Yeah. He does not want to. Or he doest not want to cross the line. Have you ever let him known how you feel?
Not always
You haven’t made a move either. If you wanted to, you would have, right?
If a person wants to be with you, they will figure it out.
My husband was shy, so I had to tell him I was interested. Once I did, he was always there for me. We married within a year of our first date.
It should be that easy.
Some guys will make it sound like they would be with you…if only. In my experience they aren’t really interested, they just want to know that you’re there if they wanted you. That’s the crap you want to get away from.
Some guys aren’t emotionally available. They have their own bullshit to deal with. Mommy issues, crippling insecurity, whatever. They like you, and there’s just something that keeps them from acting on it. They are useless to you. People who aren’t ready, aren’t for you.
Addicts are another bad bet. You can’t save someone and you shouldn’t try. Gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex/cheating, nope. These people will alway put their addiction first. [Codependent people](https://www.mhanational.org/co-dependency) LOVE an addict because they are so pathetic in their need. They love the drama and sacrifice of it all. Don’t be this person. It’s not a good life
So pick, healthy, available people. Let them know you’re interested, and if they aren’t, move on.
Don’t waste your time or emotions on folks who aren’t for you.
If it’s been 2 years and he hasn’t made a move, then he probably doesn’t think you are interested. Yes, men will *typically* go after what they want but that just isn’t as ironclad with men as it is was before. If you’re interested in him then just make the move yourself. If the feeling is mutual then he will make it very obvious right away. If it’s not, then worst case you have a slightly awkward rejection and go back to being friends.
I think it’s a true statement once the two people have expressed interest in each other.
This includes if he wants to be your boyfriend ,he’ll ask you about it. If he wants you to move in, he’ll ask you about it. If he you wants to be your husband, he’ll ask you about it. Etc etc
That’s not to say it’s going to be on your timeline though. He can want all these things, still take a long time to express it.
But prior to both people expressing interest, it’s still up in the air as to what he’ll actually say or do. Sometimes the fear of being rejected and losing the person , is worse than the status quo of being friends, so they stick with the friend option.
In your specific case, I think 2 years is long enough that if you want to make this relationship progress in a certain direction, you will be the one who has to bring it up.
35M here, absolutely 100% not necessarily. For me, the reason is I’m basically incapable of risking making someone uncomfortable. I don’t fear rejection, but I do fear making someone think “Oh damn… I don’t feel the same way. I was enjoying being friends but now what if things are awkward? Can things ever be the way they’ve been?”
Anecdote – literally *this week* haha: I’ve been spending time with a woman over the last 6-8 months and so much enjoyed her company, mostly we would play games alone or in a group and go to karaoke occasionally. From the beginning I thought she was very attractive, but I’m not a caveman with no self control who can’t be “just friends” with a woman I find attractive. A few days ago she texted me “I think I might have a crush on you”, I responded “Well, I *know* I have a crush on you” and yesterday I had one of the best dates of my life with her.
So. Maybe try that?
Why do y’all think people function off such simplistic mantra??? 🤨
Sometimes if a guy really likes a friend they don’t want to fuck it up by making a move as that often kills the friendship and it doesn’t recover to what it was. So they wait till they know or they just keep going the way they did. If you have never given off anything but friendship vibes he will not rock that boat if the friendship is important too him. So if you have not and you want to.. then start planting that seed that there is more there if he wants it.
2 years and he hasn’t made a move? He’s not waiting for anything. He just doesn’t see you that way.
>**We aren’t even dating** but met each other and love each other’s company.
What you’re describing is friendship. You’re friends with this guy.
Now if you want something more, then **you** will have to be the one to make a move. Because your man doesn’t seem like he will risk your current relationship on the off chance for something more.
But if you *make it clear* to him that you do find him attractive and want to date him, then I’m certain he will be willing to take a chance with you as well.
Why are you waiting for him to make a move? Ask him out. Or move on yourself.
Yep, he likely isn’t romantically interested in you (enough to spare you time, make a move etc).
Just as true as: “If she wanted to she would have”
“If SHE really wanted to be with you, SHE’D make it painfully obvious.”
Put your big girl pants on and tell him you like him
Too much toxic femininity going on these days. Men are human beings and they have lies, if you just met, you’re at the bottom of the priority list.
No. That’s called s1mping. And in general women do not respect that type of behavior.
Ur not even dating. Ur friends. And ur waiting for him to make a move. U could make a move Urself.
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No. This is a gross simplification that discourages communication.
People have lives outside of their romantic interests. People have problems, people get distracted, people have other priorities. People have unseen hang ups.
It’s only in your power to make a “move” or express interest. The longer you wait around for someone else to do something for you the more you become invested in an outcome you have no control over.
TL;DR – use your words.
There are no correct answers here All people are individuals and you never know what kind of hang-ups they might have keeping them from doing what you think should be obvious.
Not necessarily true and more of a cozy wozy, easily digestible confirmation bias catchphrase. Really wanting something and real life circumstances are two different things. The rest is rom com plot fodder. He could be absolutely mad for you and scared to death he’s going to offend or lose you in the process. You’ve gotta consider how risky it is for him, this is a lot more complicated than just simple rejection. You two have an established thing that he feels he could be jeopardizing. And he probably has a mountain of respect and love for you, complicating it further. I’m telling you this b/c for 5 years I was madly in love with my best friend and was absolutely terrified of *anyone* knowing. Then when I started gaining interest from other single ladies she got palpably jealous. We talked it out and ended up sealing the deal. I had no idea she ever saw me in that light until suddenly we were rolling around in her bed. Maybe softly broach this with him to test the waters. Tell him you’re not sure if he’s deserving of dating anyone else. Worked for me🤣✌️
huh I’ve seen this more aimed towards women, first time hearing it asked to men tbh. Tho my social media feeds might target me differently so 🤷🏽♂️
But Yh it’s true imo and works both ways
It’s total BULLSHIT. That double standard is ridiculous.
Some men have no problem with approaching women, while others do. I tend to overthink and always try to wait for the perfect time to make an approach, but that time doesn’t exist so I never end up doing it. It’s an awful pattern that I’m struggling to break out of. Doesn’t mean I’m not interested AT ALL.
You’re literally describing a friend. Why are you whining that he hasn’t made a move? Isn’t that every woman’s nightmare or whatever
“if he wanted to he would have” is a toxic mentality. Men are no more mind readers than women are. If you get in your head that a man not doing something you want them to do is a slight against you, all that does is build up resentment. You need to communicate, whether it’s being clear to this guy you want to go out ( hinting about it DOES NOT WORK), or 10 years from now and he’s not doing some chore you want him to do but didn’t tell him to do it.
Stop waiting for him to make a move and make it yourself. Best case, you can start a relationship, worst case you know you can only be friends with him.
yea. the same with ambitious man, if he wants it bad enough he’s not just gonna sit around and let the opportunity fly by him.
The same way he can make the first move you could also do it. Many of us fight for equal rights but when it comes to dating “he has to be the first making a move.”
I got married by being the one kissing him. 😂 he is to shy and I don’t regret. The best move I made since 2017 👌
Yes, and he’s not the one for you
No, this is of course not true. It’s something women tell themselves so they do not need to get into an active role to get what they want. It prevents them for being rejected and hurt in their egos.
If you want this guy, make a move.
MAKE A MOVE!
And it is not true. You want to be with him for years now and you don’t act. Ever imagined that he could be in the same situation?
Let’s be honest her. You two spend so much time together and none of you is in a relationship? You two clearly like each other.
Make a move!
Time for “If she wanted she would”
I once had a friend beg me to punch him in the face so that he could get first aid from an attractive looking lifeguard. Trust me, if a guy is interested, he will find a way.
Generally, it’s true.
“No one can ever ***find*** *time* for things… but **everybody** will ***make time*** for things they want to do.”
In *your* case, though, something else is up.
I’m guessing he is too shy to make a move. Or he values your company *so very much*, he **fears** if he attempts to go for a sexual relationship… he might lose your friendship. Maybe he is afraid that – or, rather, knows that… he is / will be an inexperienced lover, and he doesn’t want to disappoint you. Maybe he thinks *you* don’t like / don’t want sex.
**NO;** you **don’t** always “do everything in your power” to be with her, no matter how very much you like – or even love – her.
Everything in the above paragraph… was me.
So if *you* don’t take the initiative… Nothing is ever going to happen. It might not, even if you do. But for sure, it won’t if *you* don’t step up. Sorry, but that’s Reality sometimes.
I would, if I were you. Just because.
Is he dating other women in this time frame or is he totally single? if he’s dating other women but not dating you/making a move/asking you out, then i would say “if he wanted to, he would have” I have a couple friends who are girls who i can tell would like me to ask them out or make a move on them, but i simply don’t see them that way. I date other girls, but I don’t date these girls because i like them as friends. I enjoy their company and perspective, but i’m not sexually attracted to him.
On the other hand, if he’s not dating other women, i would assume he’s too afraid or doesn’t know how to ask you out or make a move on you. Maybe he isn’t sure you like him back. You might think 2 years is too long for something like this to go on, but when i was in my teenage years I would go out with girls, have extremely strong feelings for them, but i didn’t know how to let them know and i didn’t know how to go in for a kiss on the dates. I had feelings for one girl for literally years before i finally just wrote her a letter (still cringe about this LOL) and left it on her car under her windshield wiper to find. She texted me saying she just saw me as a friend LOL. Luckily i eventually figured it out and i haven’t had a situation like that since then. So its all very circumstantial. He’s 38 years old so you’d think he has it figured out by now but you just never know. More context is needed.
Sounds like you want to, but haven’t sooooooo?
It’s true of men who are experienced and successful with women. The advice is given commonly because it’s assumed that the woman asking for advice seeks such a man. It is not true of men who are inexperienced with women. If you are open to dating such men, then you should not operate on the “if he wanted to, he would have” principle.
Stop waiting for him to make a move. MAKE A MOVE. Christ, you’re 29, not 15.