it makes me really frustrated. EVERYTIME (literally) I’ve had sex, I was drunk – could this be the reason? Never had a relationship. I can’t even imagine having sex with a man while being sober. I don’t know why is that, but the thought of it makes me sick. I was assaulted by my one of my classmates. He literally locked me in his basement and made me gave him blowjob. I was 14 at the time and he was 15 (he failed class) could this be the reason? The last time I had sex was in October and I was half drunk. It was with a boy I’ve seen twice in my life. I know I gave him the worst sex ever, but I was half drunk and was fully conscious of what was happening and I couldn’t even move, it felt like I was frozen. I couldn’t even get wet and it was the most painful sex I’ve EVER had. I was literally crying during it but I thought if I asked him him to stop, he would get mad at me. I don’t think I have trauma, just some block that prevents me from being able to enjoy sex.
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You absolutely have trauma. Feeling sick at the thought of sex, not being able to have sex sober, cryting and freezing up during sex – those are all trauma responses.
First of all, I’m sorry that happened to you. It must have been horrible.
Secondly, on to my actual answer: sex and orgasms are very psychological. Sounds like you have a lot of trauma surrounding sex, and that’s understendably getting in the way. Hard to orgasm when the thought of sex makes you sick. Being disgusted by something and being turned on are… quite strong opposites. Therapy is amazing at helping navigate and resolve shit like this. I would strongly recommend you check with a therapist.
I’m sorry about your negative experiences, and I hope your future partners can be people that you can trust and feel comfortable saying no to. Sexual response is very context dependent, and feeling safe and comfortable plays a big part in coming to orgasm.
For me, I certainly feel a big difference with masturbation because then I can focus only on myself. Being anxious about if my partner is enjoying it can be a total mood killer for me, and the solution again comes down to context: having sex in a comfortable, stress free setting. Your previous, unpleasant encounters could definitely be a part of it, but only you can know what you might be stressed or anxious about.
Also, friction isn’t sexy, so don’t be afraid to use lots of lube. I recommend refined coconut oil.
Sounds like trauma to me, the whole experience with the classmate has effected your ability to be intimate with out being impaired just my guess, you should talk to a professional and try to work out your issues. Also random hookup when drunk is no a safe thing as the sex hurt you and sex should not be painful, maybe consider sex with someone that you know and someone that cares about you could make all the difference.
Two things. A support group that can help you heal will do wonders. The second is a giving partner that has patience and is mature.
maybe its because your brain prefer sex toy than sex or blowjob, like how porn affect your body.