I graduated from undergrad about two years ago and Landed a job in my field (low pay) but still served on the side to make some extra cash. I have always been extremely good with my money due to my parents being incredibly bad with finances. I met my current partner about half a year ago and one of the things that he said stood out about be was how much I travelled, usually asking me how I was able to afford it and I had no problem sharing how I save up a lot and find good deals blah blah. Well I decided to go back to grad school- the program I have my heart set out on is
very hard to get into and extremely tedious, there’s absolutely no way I could work any job unless the school provides me with one so I went a little hardcore with my savings so when I do attend grad school, I have some money on the sides and can pay off at least one year. We have never had issues about money, we go half on most things and even when he does offer to pay for something , like let’s say an expensive dinner I show how grateful I am but have mentioned in the past that there’s no need for that.
Well, I was budgeting for the next year and my partner (I still live at home, he has his own place) was looking at my excel sheet and that’s when he flipped about finding out that I had over 60k in savings. This led to an argument about how it’s impossible that on my salary I was able to save up that much and still fund my old lifestyle (travelling)- jokingly accusing me of maybe having a sugar daddy and didn’t understand why I was so frugal with that much money saved. To say the least this completely shocked me, I told him I’ll speak to him once he comes to his senses and realize how insensitive his comment was.
I grew up dead poor, having to pay for my own bills and my mothers. I have worked for every cent I have and have never depended on anyone for anything. I was so taken back by his comments and overall demeanor that I don’t even know what to say. At this point I don’t even know if I want to continue a relationship with someone like this. He has since apologized but is still paranoid about how much money I have saved, even hinting that my stories about growing up poor were made up. It’s like a completely different person. I really am at a loss.
EDIT: I dumped him. We spoke about it and he still insists that he has a right to be paranoid. I don’t even feel sad, I’m angrier at myself for not ending this earlier. Thankfully I didn’t have anything of value at his place and blocked his number. Ciao!!
20 comments
If a sugar daddy is his only answer. That’s the level of respect he has for you. Everything you told him was meaningless.
You aren’t compatible to him. He will only frustrate you when you need to be financially connected and he doesn’t really respect or understand your efforts. That doesn’t go away.
Your spreadsheets and your explanations show your level of organization. A guy with his finances together would respect that.
Yikes
I would be offended on sugar daddy comments. Is it his only idea and how he thinks about you?
He showed bunch of red flags at once, I would think about him again
Let me ask you a question ( you don’t have to answer, just think about the answer). Going to a difficult grad school, do you need a partner that at least is distracting and disrespectful?
This guy can’t see how frugality translates to savings?
His FIRST thought is sex work.
It’s so impressive that you did this.
I suppose you can show him your math, but you shouldn’t have to.
I think when it’s time to go to school, leaving this guy behind won’t be a sacrifice
My wife was the same as you. Money was very tight. Dad usually out of a job. Started babysitting at 10 years old. Hostessing at 15. Waiting tables by 16. Working in restaurants served her well. She paid her own way through college including all rent and living expenses plus buying her own car. She graduated from college with zero debt and over $30k in savings.
It was actually a struggle for her to start at the bottom in her new career because it paid less than she made waiting tables at a steakhouse. The hours were better though. And no more working weekends.
I saw how hard she worked though. 8am classes, internships in the afternoon, dinner closing shift at night, hit the bars with friends until 1-2am then opened the restaurant for breakfast service.
She was a machine for two years. As you must be. (She did her first two at community college to save money).
Explain to your bf how much a server can make at a nice restaurant. Explain how frugal you are. Explain how you’ve been saving your whole life. Explain that you’ve always known you needed this nest egg as you were never able to ask your parents for money if you ever ran out.
Or, just tell him to fuck off.
You are AWESOME!!! I love that you told him you’d speak to him when he came to his senses! You’ve worked your ass off and know your self worth and won’t let anyone take that from you nor should you.
Having grown up desperately poor myself I worked my ass off but made horrible financial decisions so I’m very impressed by your ability to do what you have done at such a young age. I hope you have people in your life who tell you how proud they are of you but from one poor kid to another I’m proud of you!
Stay smart, stay safe and find the happiness that you deserve. That’s someone who sees you for the amazing person you are, not someone who downplays your accomplishments.
What a disrespectful asshole. You are awesome and maybe you should reconsider your “partner” as it seems like he’s that in name only.
A true partner would not be such an AH.
Congrats on your successful savings habits.
Sad that this is such a foreign concept to your bf.
You have nothing to feel bad about here. You did not lie.
I am sorry you are going thru this. It could be a good teaching moment to help him with his finances and share your knowledge if you decide to stick it out.
Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand that salary isn’t wealth, and even a modest salary in the hands of a determined and frugal person can become quite a nest egg over time.
Definitely a red flag that your partner’s first assumption when he sees a woman with savings is that they are a prostitute. He could’ve thought inheritance, or a lottery prize or a legal settlement or just known that you’re a responsible person and diligent saver.
his first thoughts are “sugar daddy”?!! what a disrespectful asshole, good on you for dumping the guy. Half a year is long enough for you to spot the red flags sooner but in the end you made the right choice for your own future. Congrats on shedding the dead weight from your life, better days awaits ahead!!
Your username made me laugh. I’m glad you got rid of that nasty rash.
Good riddance! You dodged a bullet. You did nothing wrong. Good for you for being careful with your money.
Glad for the update. Congrats on being able to support yourself! Good luck in grad school!
I don’t get it, on the first paragraph you said you had no problem sharing how you save up, but then he didn’t know you had saved a lot of money?
Very good for you. He’s not the one for you. Get that education. Life awaits you!
I got here after the edit. I’m so… I admire you. You know who you are, what you want, and what you stand for. You are steadfast and honest and not willing to give up your dignity to a man who doesn’t deserve it. Good for you.
I see you mentioned a rough childhood. I’m sure that helped shape you. I just hope that someone in your life tells you how fucking great you are. Because you need to be told this by your loved ones. Because it’s true.
I hope you go on to live a happy life. I hope that the universe is kind to you. x
You should not dump him over this
Late to the party, but congrats on dumping the dead weight.
That is some serious small dick energy