So me (m26) and my boyfriend (m30) have been together for 2years now. The first half it was long distance but eventually he moved in with me and my family. Our first year on Christmas he wanted me to go spend it with him really badly and we weren’t dating for all that long so I wasn’t ready to take that leap just yet. I hadn’t even seen him in person at that point. One time, we got in a fight and he told me that it made him upset that I couldn’t spend Christmas with him.

Fast forward to now, we are moved in and Christmas is around the corner. I was excited to spend Christmas with him finally. But he tells me that he is thinking about flying to his best friends to spend it over there because it’ll just be the two of them (a couple). Now I’m conflicted. I don’t know whether I should feel upset, or support him. Either way, after learning this I feel sad, but I’m not controlling and I’m not gonna stop him. Should I be supportive or am I right to feel upset?

TLDR; my (m26) boyfriend (m30) wants to spend Christmas with his best friend, but once got upset with me when I couldn’t fly out to see him for Christmas. Should I be upset or supportive?

11 comments

  1. Can you go with him this year and are you invited?

    There are lots of possible solutions here. The two of you are supposed to work together as a team to find a solution that you can both live with.

  2. You were completely in the right to not feel comfortable spending Christmas with him last year. The fact that he wants to spend it one on one with someone else would be a major red flag for me. Have you seriously discussed this with him? Did you tell him how you feel and ask him why he’s considering this?

  3. My grandparents came from Roma but whatever. I’m sure you know *alllll* about the catacombs.

  4. You’ve only been together less than a year if you hadn’t even met him in person last Christmas.

    I think he remembers that you (correctly) refused to spend xmas with him, a perfect stranger, last year, and now he wants to punish you by going to his friends’. He moved in with your parents, so I kind of doubt that’s the reason. But frankly, you don’t know this guy as well as you think you do.

  5. He lives with you and your family, so it’s a reasonable expectation that he would spend the holiday with you and your family. But maybe he didn’t realize that it would upset you for him to make other plans- so you need to communicate with him like an adult and let him know that it bothers you he made other plans and didn’t invite you.

  7. I’d would think he was cheating if it was me. That doesn’t make any sense. It only makes sense to go home to see his family. Makes no sense to see a friend alone for Christmas. That day is usually reserved for friends or serious relationships. If the friend is alone than why can’t he come to your families house? You are being too nice. Looks like he’s taking advantage. Kick him to the curb and keep the cats.

  8. he goes right? when he comes back all his belongings are in garbage bags on the front lawn and he is no longer welcome in your/yourparents house.

  9. dude, look at all the different posts youve made about this guy in the last two months and dump his ass.

  10. Hun, don’t move in with this guy. This sounds like you will play second fiddle to this guy going forward. Do you want to spend your time missing life moments or spending them with a third wheel?

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